It came to my attention this weekend that there are some people "out there" who believe I made a mistake moving to northern Michigan. I did NOT!!!! I have absolutely NO REGRETS! After I accidentally sold my Louisville home at the yard sale, I realized my life was different now. I was a widow in search of a new life. When you spend all your life in your own personal "rut", anything new presents new challenges, new thoughts, new wonders. I did look at possible homes in Louisville but felt I was not ready to make that kind of decision. Where could I go? I still had a home in northern Michigan and I loved my blue cottage. HC Baker and I had created wonderful memories there. AND I had grandchildren close by. G & G are my two youngest grandchildren and I had missed lots of their lives. This was my opportunity to catch up on those moments and I decided to take it! So, I stored my personal household belongings and headed north. These last three and a half years have been so special to me. I have witnessed G & G growing up to be delightful persons - full of energy, brains, personality and love. I have grown closer to Emily and Brett and seen the gifts they have to give their family and others. It has been a wonderful blessing to me. I'm so happy I came. I've made new memories and new friends. All of this helped me to transition into my new life as a widow. I have not been alone. I have been surrounded by family. And TR Baker came to live with me. We have both grown in our hearts to be better people. So...I did NOT make a mistake. I simply started a journey, a new chapter in my life.
Now, that being said, it's not all been perfect. There have been plenty of ups and downs. And I survived them all. Right now my plate is very full and there is a bit of a struggle happening in my heart. As I prepare to move, TR Baker has chosen to remain here. He loves it up north and has found a lovely lady and her family, lots of new friends, and he enjoys his work. I'm so happy for him and hope and pray his life continues to bloom. He will move to Petoskey (where he works) in the next few weeks and share a home with his new family. He and I have talked about this move and what he will take with him out of the home we have shared. I have decided I am not going to move anything I will not use. I'm tired of lugging around all this baggage I have! Plus TR Baker and I have continued to "house" all the things he chose of his father's. He will take all of that and begin to build his memories in his new home. His lady will move to their new home next weekend and once she is settled there, he will begin his move. I'm excited for both of them but realize his move from this home will be difficult for me. There's such comfort in not being alone, yet that's exactly what I'll be...again.
Alone. What a word. I have thought and thought and thought about that word. It's just a word. It doesn't have to describe a life. A life is what you make it. You can live your life alone OR you can fill your life with wonderful things! For me those wonderful things include my family. Jeeze Louise...they have stood by me and loved me through all of this (while some of them have had their own serious concerns). Another wonderful thing I have is my friends - the absolute best in the world! One dear friend is my Saturday night date. She calls me every Saturday night and we have a date on the phone. Most often, we surf the internet together deciding what we'll buy or sign up for, or telling each other what we figured out the previous week! And we laugh, usually at each other! My friends pray for me and I pray for them. We all support each other every way we can. Another wonderful thing in my life is my church, and I will be so happy to return to that community. I've missed my church and the wonderful body of believers who lift you up with their love and support.
So yes, I will be by myself, but I won't be alone. The Lord is ALWAYS with me. He keeps me grounded and focused. Whatever comes my way, He is there with me to see me through. And He will, of that I have no doubt. Trust and Obey...
My sermon for the day! Happy Sunday!
JoAnn, There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.
ReplyDeleteI personally didn't have the resources to make a move from Louisville after Chuck died.
In a many ways I wish I had; but I didn't. Also, Chuck and I lost the home during the cancer journey we shared for most of our life together; and where raised our children. So, in many ways he and I both left "our home" before he died.
I was technically "homeless" when he died. But without the resources to start over it was a moot point to even think about moving out of Louisville.
As much as I missed you not being in Louisville and attending the same church; I was jealous that you had a part of your family to be with and another home to live
in.
I hope I never made any judgments in my mind or mentioned out loud that you shouldn't have moved to Michigan, granted I never understood the attraction to cold weather and above waist snowfalls ,but if I did, I apologize.
Personally, I was and still am in many ways so lost without Chuck, I never had your independence and I envied yours. So my life without Chuck was and still is lonely!
You added many interesting chapters to your life after H.C. I am still stuck trying to even start my next chapter.
I admire you as much or even more than I always have and thrilled that you will be experiencing the next chapters in Louisville.
I never perceived you to be lonely without H.C.,maybe alone, but not lonely.
But, dear friend, that is a compliment to you! You had the independence I desired and still want.
Yes, I am living "on my own", but it's been tough. I still don't see myself or feel independent.
We all do what we have to do, some of us have choices and some us only a choice. A choice to get up everyday, put one foot in front of the other and see where the Lord leads us that day.
I am glad you are being led back to Louisville for whatever reasons!