The Ugly -
My kitchen, my powder room, my laundry room
The Bad -
My brand new refrigerator that I have had less than one week quit working! A new one has been ordered! The dishwasher with the door that wouldn't open due to close proximity to the stove has been replaced but the water needed to use it is turned off because they installed the countertops today. (They look beautiful but the glue/grout stuff they sealed them with smells horrific all over the house!!!!) Plumber comes tomorrow. Don't pour anything down that sink or use the powder room...PLEASE! The refrigerator repair man as he was leaving asked if he could talk to me. He wanted to offer me suggestions on how to keep frozen food in the freezer. He said I probably had too much in there and that might have caused the appliance to quit working. Pregnant pause and very deep breath on my part before I said...Listen Bucko - I am 64 years old, mother to 3, grandmother to 6 with a house that is upside down and whatever you might think of my kitchen abilities, DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT INSTRUCTING ME ON FREEZER ORGANIZATION! (capitalized because I was shouting!) He left post haste! The other workers in the house were very quiet the rest of the day.
NOTE: Tomorrow the carpet people are back to install the stair runner. I don't even remember what it looks like. The plumber will come and connect the new sinks with the faucets, "install" the dishwasher, and restore the water supply. Friday the tile guy is supposed to appear and do his part which will be completed on Monday when he does the "grout" thing. Painters will re-appear sometime and touch-up all the places that have been scratched by other tasks! I can do this! I can do this! I can do this! My contractor says it's almost over. Hurry! Living in the house during a re-model SUCKS! Enough...
The Good -
I read on FB that Kathy Ludwig saw the movie HUGO today and highly recommends it. I love movies and I love to go to the movies. Popcorn with extra butter, diet coke and leave me alone! One of my favorite things to do is when Cinda organizes (I should ask her about her freezer) a dinner and a movie night with all her special treats. Love it! Anyway, HC Baker hated going to the movies. I think it had to do with childhood memories. His father died when he was five and he was the oldest of 3. His mother had to go to work and when the children got older she used the Saturday afternoon movie at the Vogue as a babysitter. I think HC always resented movies because it meant his mother had to work and could not be with them. June was a fabulous mother and back then being a single mother was very hard work. No daycares among other things. Fortunately her mother and father, Gandy and PawPaw were close by and often filled in for her. Back to the movies...
This was a long time ago when HC and I were dating!!!!! I wanted to see Evergreen with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. HC said he would take me. WOW! I was excited. We went to the movie theatre in Holiday Manor (how many of you remember that?). HC bought the tickets, got me my popcorn and soda (don't think they had diet coke yet) and we went in and sat down. After about 30 seconds HC said he'd be right back and away he went. This was also before cell phones and HC was always on the phone. I thought he had to make a phone call. The movie began and I was lost in the performance. It wasn't until the end that I realized HC Baker had never returned. Where in the world was he? As I got up he came running down the aisle to our (?) seats. Not in a pleasant, loving voice I asked where did you go? He said he found the theatre manager and talked him into letting him go into his office and watch his TV. It seems there was a huge Ali boxing match televised that night and HC wanted to see it. He explained he took me to the movie, bought me popcorn and a soda, and "left" me alone. He said it was perfect. I got to do what I wanted and he got to do what he wanted. It was a sign but apparently I was sign blind! We did go to the movie together one other time in our marriage. St Matthews Baptist Church bought a showing of The Passion of the Christ. We went together and sat together for the entire film. Two movies in 40 years! I remember them both with a smile on my face and love in my heart!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Books of Life
Not a day goes by that I don't think of HC Baker. Different things trigger those moments. Today I was determined to empty the boxes of books from our Louisville home and Witt Cottage and put them in the bookshelves in the den. HC and I loved books and we were always reading. I remember one night I was reading a book called "The Sweet Potato Queens". (If you haven't read it, you must. It is about southern women and it is hilarious!) We were both reading in bed and I was laughing so hard HC finally asked what was so funny? I read him several very colorful paragraphs about husbands and wives and he rolled over, turned out his light and went to sleep. He didn't think it was near as funny as I did!
Anyway, when he died, I gave away so many of our books. I had read them and thought others would enjoy reading them too. I invited friends to come over and take what they wanted. HC also must have had 30 Bibles. I was so happy to give them to Seyoung and Euisoon Kang for the wonderful work they do in their very special ministry. HC loved them both as well as their son, Dongyon. When Dongyon returned to Korea for his military obligation, HC and Jack Fox took him to the airport for his departure. They promised they would pick him up when he returned. Jack will need a new partner for that return trip!
What books I packed have very special meaning. Today as I touched each one, I had to stop and read a few pages. Many of them are autographed by authors we are privileged to know (and a few we don't know!) There's a book about reconciliation by Harvey Thomas. HC loved to be with Harvey and listen to his stories. (I think they compared stories to see who had the most outrageous experiences.) There are several books by Joyce Martin. One of my favorites is about the mission work in the coal mines of eastern Kentucky. And you know what? Last fall when I arrived in Michigan I needed a flu shot. I made an appointment with the local doctor in town and went to meet him. His name is Dr. John Everett and his grandparents lived in the mountains of eastern Kentucky where he spent many summers. He is a very committed christian and I loaned him the book to read. He loved it! Another favorite of mine is Walking with Moses talking with God by Cinda King. I can hold the book in my hands and sense Cinda's sweet spirit. There's a wonderful book of poetry about the beautiful things of life by Holly Collins. Reading her words warms your heart. Have you read A Pearl in the Storm by Tori Murden McClure? Tori is the first woman to ROW across the Atlantic Ocean and now she's the president of Spalding University. And one of my very favorites is Crossing Troublesome, a compilation of writings by authors who have attended the Appalachian Writers Workshop in the past 25 years. Lastly I'll mention Christmas Miracles written by somebody I don't know but given to us by Jack and Lou Fox with a "love" note written inside the front cover.
Books are an important part of my life. I have some books I have read repeatedly because they speak to me over and over again. I needed those books today. Not so much the words but the connections. HC was a wonderful writer and soon I will share with you some of his written words. His daily journal entries of his trip to India will touch your heart. Because we are beginning the Advent season, I'll close with one of HC's favorite series of words.
"When we begin to lose hope, we need to know that our friends are holding it for us until we can carry it again ourselves." This is the season of hope isn't it?
Anyway, when he died, I gave away so many of our books. I had read them and thought others would enjoy reading them too. I invited friends to come over and take what they wanted. HC also must have had 30 Bibles. I was so happy to give them to Seyoung and Euisoon Kang for the wonderful work they do in their very special ministry. HC loved them both as well as their son, Dongyon. When Dongyon returned to Korea for his military obligation, HC and Jack Fox took him to the airport for his departure. They promised they would pick him up when he returned. Jack will need a new partner for that return trip!
What books I packed have very special meaning. Today as I touched each one, I had to stop and read a few pages. Many of them are autographed by authors we are privileged to know (and a few we don't know!) There's a book about reconciliation by Harvey Thomas. HC loved to be with Harvey and listen to his stories. (I think they compared stories to see who had the most outrageous experiences.) There are several books by Joyce Martin. One of my favorites is about the mission work in the coal mines of eastern Kentucky. And you know what? Last fall when I arrived in Michigan I needed a flu shot. I made an appointment with the local doctor in town and went to meet him. His name is Dr. John Everett and his grandparents lived in the mountains of eastern Kentucky where he spent many summers. He is a very committed christian and I loaned him the book to read. He loved it! Another favorite of mine is Walking with Moses talking with God by Cinda King. I can hold the book in my hands and sense Cinda's sweet spirit. There's a wonderful book of poetry about the beautiful things of life by Holly Collins. Reading her words warms your heart. Have you read A Pearl in the Storm by Tori Murden McClure? Tori is the first woman to ROW across the Atlantic Ocean and now she's the president of Spalding University. And one of my very favorites is Crossing Troublesome, a compilation of writings by authors who have attended the Appalachian Writers Workshop in the past 25 years. Lastly I'll mention Christmas Miracles written by somebody I don't know but given to us by Jack and Lou Fox with a "love" note written inside the front cover.
Books are an important part of my life. I have some books I have read repeatedly because they speak to me over and over again. I needed those books today. Not so much the words but the connections. HC was a wonderful writer and soon I will share with you some of his written words. His daily journal entries of his trip to India will touch your heart. Because we are beginning the Advent season, I'll close with one of HC's favorite series of words.
"When we begin to lose hope, we need to know that our friends are holding it for us until we can carry it again ourselves." This is the season of hope isn't it?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Life is Funny!
2011
Left Saturday morning with Emily and Gracie headed for Grand Rapids to see the Grand Rapids Ballet perform the Nutcracker. (I've never been to Grand Rapids but when Emily was at Hope College in Holland, Michigan, she would fly in and out of "GR" for holiday visits home.) Emily decided we should spend the night just to be on the safe side in case of snow! I left Topinabee just excited to spend the time with Emily and Gracie. It's about a 3 hour drive and it passed quickly with entertainment provided by Gracie.
We were on an interstate about 2 miles north of downtown when I saw it. Oh my gosh, it's a building taller than 2 stories!!!!! I had forgotten what a big city (and it's not really all that big) downtown looked like. There are several buildings that have over 10 stories! WOW! I see taxis, city buses, and more cars at one time than I've seen in months! Wait...we're pulling up to a hotel and there's valet parking with attendants dressed in uniforms and doormen!!!! They take our car and direct us to the Front Desk! I see 4 uniformed people smiling and welcoming guests. We are told our room is on the 19th floor! The 19th floor!! We quickly see our room, freshen up and walk (indoors) to the performance hall. This hotel is connected to everything downtown with walkways. We're in our seats reviewing the program. This entire Grand Rapids Ballet season is dedicated to one of their most beloved devotees, Betty Ford (I remembered she was a dancer). The symphony orchestra is in the pit, the conductor appears, the overture begins and we are whisked away to Clara's home and our first sight of the nutcracker. What a beautiful performance. We enjoy every moment.
We walk back to our hotel to really check out our room. We are overlooking a river and just below us there is a pedestrian walkway across the bridge that leads directly into the Gerald Ford Presidential Museum. We must come back next summer and sightsee! Right now we need to decide what to do for dinner. There are several restaurants in the hotel and we choose the one on the 27th floor with a view of the greater Grand Rapids area. It is beautiful, the service excellent and the food delicious. We had a relaxing evening and a restful night. This morning we headed back to Topinabee and our "real" lives! (Emily and I made a conscious decision to NOT go to the mall. I'm not sure my heart would have survived!!)
Life is funny, isn't it? I was so used to seeing "big cities" and all they provided, but if you don't have those surroundings your life fills with so many other wonderful things. Yes, I realized I missed some of those things, but I also realized I didn't need those things. I have a loving family close and far away, the best friends in the world close and far away, and a new life filled with new things close and far away. That "life is funny" thing is what keeps us enjoying life. I'll enjoy mine if you promise to enjoy yours...no matter what!
Left Saturday morning with Emily and Gracie headed for Grand Rapids to see the Grand Rapids Ballet perform the Nutcracker. (I've never been to Grand Rapids but when Emily was at Hope College in Holland, Michigan, she would fly in and out of "GR" for holiday visits home.) Emily decided we should spend the night just to be on the safe side in case of snow! I left Topinabee just excited to spend the time with Emily and Gracie. It's about a 3 hour drive and it passed quickly with entertainment provided by Gracie.
We were on an interstate about 2 miles north of downtown when I saw it. Oh my gosh, it's a building taller than 2 stories!!!!! I had forgotten what a big city (and it's not really all that big) downtown looked like. There are several buildings that have over 10 stories! WOW! I see taxis, city buses, and more cars at one time than I've seen in months! Wait...we're pulling up to a hotel and there's valet parking with attendants dressed in uniforms and doormen!!!! They take our car and direct us to the Front Desk! I see 4 uniformed people smiling and welcoming guests. We are told our room is on the 19th floor! The 19th floor!! We quickly see our room, freshen up and walk (indoors) to the performance hall. This hotel is connected to everything downtown with walkways. We're in our seats reviewing the program. This entire Grand Rapids Ballet season is dedicated to one of their most beloved devotees, Betty Ford (I remembered she was a dancer). The symphony orchestra is in the pit, the conductor appears, the overture begins and we are whisked away to Clara's home and our first sight of the nutcracker. What a beautiful performance. We enjoy every moment.
We walk back to our hotel to really check out our room. We are overlooking a river and just below us there is a pedestrian walkway across the bridge that leads directly into the Gerald Ford Presidential Museum. We must come back next summer and sightsee! Right now we need to decide what to do for dinner. There are several restaurants in the hotel and we choose the one on the 27th floor with a view of the greater Grand Rapids area. It is beautiful, the service excellent and the food delicious. We had a relaxing evening and a restful night. This morning we headed back to Topinabee and our "real" lives! (Emily and I made a conscious decision to NOT go to the mall. I'm not sure my heart would have survived!!)
Life is funny, isn't it? I was so used to seeing "big cities" and all they provided, but if you don't have those surroundings your life fills with so many other wonderful things. Yes, I realized I missed some of those things, but I also realized I didn't need those things. I have a loving family close and far away, the best friends in the world close and far away, and a new life filled with new things close and far away. That "life is funny" thing is what keeps us enjoying life. I'll enjoy mine if you promise to enjoy yours...no matter what!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Old and New Memories!
LAST YEAR 2010
Black Friday (when did it begin to be called that?) I stayed quiet most of the day. I was sad and having a personal pity party. I knew I had to go out in the evening and quite honestly dreaded it.
I wanted to stay in bed, covers over my head, avoiding anything green or red, wishing HC wasn't dead!!!!
Linda and Bill had someplace to be so I could be home by myself. I was trying to think of a good reason to call and decline my invitation for the evening, but I couldn't. So I got out of bed and got ready. Dear, wonderful friends, Jack and Lou, had invited me to meet them at Cafe Lou Lou's at the Loop for dinner and then walk "Bardstown Road Aglow" and see the sights. I was nearly there when it began to snow...a beautiful snow that fell quickly and heavily coating everything. It truly looked like a winter wonderland. I walked into Cafe Lou Lou's and saw lots of happy, smiling faces including Jack and Lou's. I'm so glad I came. We enjoyed our dinner then began our sidewalk tour. It was great to be around so many happy people enjoying the night. We also saw many friends and I especially remember seeing Floyd Bynum. He gave me a huge hug and told me how happy he was to see me. It was probably a small thing to him but meant the world to me. (To throw out a "Cinda" word...SEE?) What a glorious evening I spent with the kind of friends I hope all of you have. I am thankful and I am blessed.
THIS YEAR 2011
I woke up in my own bed in my own home. That's a blessing I'm thankful for right there! If I'm asleep around 7:45am, the sun wakes me up. It shines right in my window as it rises with a fabulous reflection off the lake. This morning was one of those mornings. Delightful! Can't believe I'm going to say this but I woke up hungry (after all I ate yesterday!). So I had left-over sweet potatoes and yeast rolls for breakfast. Delightful! I put away some dishes, wiped up the plywood counters, checked e-mails, had another cup of peach tea and sat down to look at the lake. The sun is shining and it's already 48 degrees outside. Delightful! The phone rings and it's Gracie wanting to know if I'm going to the craft fair (held every year on this day at the Indian River High School) because she wants to go and her Mother does not! I say of course I going. What grandmother wouldn't? She says her Mother will drop her off on her way to the candy store. Delightful! When Gracie arrives so does the electrician to install 2 lights for the second floor hallway and a ceiling fan on my summer breakfast porch. What to do while we wait? Let's put up a Christmas tree!!! For those of you who don't know, I was a ballet dancer for many years a long time ago. So...I have a Christmas tree that is decorated with ballet ornaments and Gracie has only seen it once when she was 2. There are ballet shoes, ballet dancers, ballet costumes, ballet dancing animals, I even have a ballet dancer who is a pickle! One of my favorite things to do is unwrap each ornament, look at it and remember when and where I got it or who gave it to me. Gracie and I got to do that together. Lots of laughing and lots of memories. We did finally get to the craft fair, supported the local small businesses and headed back home. Delightful! We gathered the leftovers, packed them and headed back to Indian River and the candy store to have dinner and watch the Christmas Parade. It's very similar to Macy's parade!!!!! Lot of floats, generally pick-up trucks, the snow mobile trail groomer (Brett is the President of this association), all the fire engines in town (wonder what happens if there's a fire?), one hay wagon with the Inland Lakes Marching Band (maybe 18 kids) playing Jingle Bells, 2 REAL reindeer walking down the street, and the biggest fire engine is last because Santa is riding on the front fender!!!!!!!! All of these floats are decorated with mega amounts of blinking lights and bells and sirens are rung repeatedly. Note: Santa usually arrives in a dog sled but exceptions were made today because the high today was 51 and there is no snow! I should also tell you the parade route is the state highway that runs right through town and it's blocked off at both ends of town. Ya' just gotta' love it! Delightful!
I'm back home now looking at the Christmas tree Gracie and I decorated. Tomorrow morning Emily, Gracie and I will leave for Grand Rapids to see the Nutcracker. We'll spend the night and return home Sunday morning. Delightful!
My heart is still tender and I'm still sad that HC is not with me, but I'm making progress. And I'm drawn to one of my favorite Bible verses - Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Amen to that Baby! I am thankful and I am blessed! Delightful!
Black Friday (when did it begin to be called that?) I stayed quiet most of the day. I was sad and having a personal pity party. I knew I had to go out in the evening and quite honestly dreaded it.
I wanted to stay in bed, covers over my head, avoiding anything green or red, wishing HC wasn't dead!!!!
Linda and Bill had someplace to be so I could be home by myself. I was trying to think of a good reason to call and decline my invitation for the evening, but I couldn't. So I got out of bed and got ready. Dear, wonderful friends, Jack and Lou, had invited me to meet them at Cafe Lou Lou's at the Loop for dinner and then walk "Bardstown Road Aglow" and see the sights. I was nearly there when it began to snow...a beautiful snow that fell quickly and heavily coating everything. It truly looked like a winter wonderland. I walked into Cafe Lou Lou's and saw lots of happy, smiling faces including Jack and Lou's. I'm so glad I came. We enjoyed our dinner then began our sidewalk tour. It was great to be around so many happy people enjoying the night. We also saw many friends and I especially remember seeing Floyd Bynum. He gave me a huge hug and told me how happy he was to see me. It was probably a small thing to him but meant the world to me. (To throw out a "Cinda" word...SEE?) What a glorious evening I spent with the kind of friends I hope all of you have. I am thankful and I am blessed.
THIS YEAR 2011
I woke up in my own bed in my own home. That's a blessing I'm thankful for right there! If I'm asleep around 7:45am, the sun wakes me up. It shines right in my window as it rises with a fabulous reflection off the lake. This morning was one of those mornings. Delightful! Can't believe I'm going to say this but I woke up hungry (after all I ate yesterday!). So I had left-over sweet potatoes and yeast rolls for breakfast. Delightful! I put away some dishes, wiped up the plywood counters, checked e-mails, had another cup of peach tea and sat down to look at the lake. The sun is shining and it's already 48 degrees outside. Delightful! The phone rings and it's Gracie wanting to know if I'm going to the craft fair (held every year on this day at the Indian River High School) because she wants to go and her Mother does not! I say of course I going. What grandmother wouldn't? She says her Mother will drop her off on her way to the candy store. Delightful! When Gracie arrives so does the electrician to install 2 lights for the second floor hallway and a ceiling fan on my summer breakfast porch. What to do while we wait? Let's put up a Christmas tree!!! For those of you who don't know, I was a ballet dancer for many years a long time ago. So...I have a Christmas tree that is decorated with ballet ornaments and Gracie has only seen it once when she was 2. There are ballet shoes, ballet dancers, ballet costumes, ballet dancing animals, I even have a ballet dancer who is a pickle! One of my favorite things to do is unwrap each ornament, look at it and remember when and where I got it or who gave it to me. Gracie and I got to do that together. Lots of laughing and lots of memories. We did finally get to the craft fair, supported the local small businesses and headed back home. Delightful! We gathered the leftovers, packed them and headed back to Indian River and the candy store to have dinner and watch the Christmas Parade. It's very similar to Macy's parade!!!!! Lot of floats, generally pick-up trucks, the snow mobile trail groomer (Brett is the President of this association), all the fire engines in town (wonder what happens if there's a fire?), one hay wagon with the Inland Lakes Marching Band (maybe 18 kids) playing Jingle Bells, 2 REAL reindeer walking down the street, and the biggest fire engine is last because Santa is riding on the front fender!!!!!!!! All of these floats are decorated with mega amounts of blinking lights and bells and sirens are rung repeatedly. Note: Santa usually arrives in a dog sled but exceptions were made today because the high today was 51 and there is no snow! I should also tell you the parade route is the state highway that runs right through town and it's blocked off at both ends of town. Ya' just gotta' love it! Delightful!
I'm back home now looking at the Christmas tree Gracie and I decorated. Tomorrow morning Emily, Gracie and I will leave for Grand Rapids to see the Nutcracker. We'll spend the night and return home Sunday morning. Delightful!
My heart is still tender and I'm still sad that HC is not with me, but I'm making progress. And I'm drawn to one of my favorite Bible verses - Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Amen to that Baby! I am thankful and I am blessed! Delightful!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving 2011
I'll start with yesterday!
No counter tops so they put plywood over the cabinets!
Stove arrived at 3:30pm!
No carpet runner on stairs to 2nd floor!
Trim on 1st floor (crown molding, chair rail, baseboards) apparently on the moon!
The stove was placed too far to the right and I can't get the dishwasher door open (now that's trouble)!
And I cannot find my dining room table pads.
My plan was to use my antique lace tablecloth, fine china, crystal, and sterling for the first holiday meal in the new home. No table pads so a definite change of plan is needed. I went to WalMart last night at 8:30pm to buy place mats. It was the only store open and it's in the next town. Have you ever tried to find an elegant and contemporary looking place mat at WalMart? Yes, that was a real question! Well, I found a black round flat straw mat that would work IF I changed my fine china to white square plates and used red linen napkins (no crystal or sterling either). Got home only to discover I didn't have the place mats with me. Because of the crowd and only one lane open (been there?), I did the self check-out thing. Apparently I wouldn't make a very good "checker-outter". I got back in the car and returned to find my place mats! Went immediately to "Customer Service" (can't believe they can even spell the words let alone post them in huge letters for all to see)! One person is working at that counter and she is very busy (no doubt on a personal phone call)! She does not even look at me which is strange because I'm sure flames are coming out of my mouth as I repeat over and over...I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful...!!!! Finally she asks if I need any help? I said, "No, I'm just standing here watching the minute hand on the clock and wondering how it's possible that WalMart employs every incompetent person in the world." I point to a bag behind her and tell her those are my place mats and here is my receipt to prove I purchased them. She takes a quick look and shoves the bag at me. I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful...! Back home I set the table (it looks fabulous) and start the turkey process.
Now here's where it gets interesting. I am admitting to all of you at the same time, I have NEVER cooked a turkey before. HC always cooked our turkeys. (I'll also jump a little ahead in the story to tell you I've never made gravy either. Never, no kind!) But hey...I'm 64 years old. How difficult can this be? TR Baker and I talked Sunday night about the turkey. The internet said to put the "bird" in the refrigerator to thaw for several days. By Wednesday night he was thawed! How to cook? Internet again but fortunately one of the painters at the house had shared with me he uses a cooking bag. I bought a cooking bag. The instructions on the turkey wrapping said my size turkey would need to cook 6-7 hours. The cooking bag said my size turkey would need to cook 3-4 hours. That's a big difference. I decide to put it in the oven at 12:30am, set the alarm for 4:30am and check it out. I can do this! First I have to get the turkey in the bag. My painter also told me to be sure and check the inside of the bird for neck and organs. What????? I put on plastic gloves and reach into the chest cavity and grab a neck!!!! Then on to the other end where I find some stuff in a paper bag and a ton of fat, just chunks of fat. Am I awake???? This is disgusting! OK, got him in the bag and in the oven. The alarm wakes me at 4:30am and when I check the bird, it looks beautiful! That little pop out thing has popped out and the top is a beautiful golden brown. I did it!!!! Back to bed for a little bit.
I have everything just about ready. Mashed potatoes, dressing, green beans, sweet potatoes, yeast rolls, pies, salad, but something's missing. GRAVY!!!! I quickly call daughter Libby. I also spoke with her last night about cooking the turkey and she had no idea I had never cooked a turkey. She gave me several wonderful suggestions. Now I really needed her help. She says it's easy. (Right!) She talks about the drippings (??) and cornstarch, cold water and wisking, wisking, wisking. She's also upset because she cannot find the fish apron. She's got the fish potholder but cannot find the apron!!!! I tell her to get the kids to find the apron and she tells me I can make gravy, and I did!
We are ready to sit down. Emily, Brett, Garrett, Gracie, Claudia (works at the candy store and recently lost her husband), TR and me. It's Thanksgiving and we all have much to be thankful for. Family, friends, good food to eat, a warm house, and God to guide us. Throughout the day I kept running into HC Baker. He was the turkey, he was the gravy, he was the pumpkin pie, he was Garrett wanting to eat in front of the TV to watch a football game, he was Gracie sneaking candy out of my grandmother's candy dish, he was with all of us laughing and enjoying the day. Hope you enjoyed yours! xxoo
No counter tops so they put plywood over the cabinets!
Stove arrived at 3:30pm!
No carpet runner on stairs to 2nd floor!
Trim on 1st floor (crown molding, chair rail, baseboards) apparently on the moon!
The stove was placed too far to the right and I can't get the dishwasher door open (now that's trouble)!
And I cannot find my dining room table pads.
My plan was to use my antique lace tablecloth, fine china, crystal, and sterling for the first holiday meal in the new home. No table pads so a definite change of plan is needed. I went to WalMart last night at 8:30pm to buy place mats. It was the only store open and it's in the next town. Have you ever tried to find an elegant and contemporary looking place mat at WalMart? Yes, that was a real question! Well, I found a black round flat straw mat that would work IF I changed my fine china to white square plates and used red linen napkins (no crystal or sterling either). Got home only to discover I didn't have the place mats with me. Because of the crowd and only one lane open (been there?), I did the self check-out thing. Apparently I wouldn't make a very good "checker-outter". I got back in the car and returned to find my place mats! Went immediately to "Customer Service" (can't believe they can even spell the words let alone post them in huge letters for all to see)! One person is working at that counter and she is very busy (no doubt on a personal phone call)! She does not even look at me which is strange because I'm sure flames are coming out of my mouth as I repeat over and over...I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful...!!!! Finally she asks if I need any help? I said, "No, I'm just standing here watching the minute hand on the clock and wondering how it's possible that WalMart employs every incompetent person in the world." I point to a bag behind her and tell her those are my place mats and here is my receipt to prove I purchased them. She takes a quick look and shoves the bag at me. I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful...! Back home I set the table (it looks fabulous) and start the turkey process.
Now here's where it gets interesting. I am admitting to all of you at the same time, I have NEVER cooked a turkey before. HC always cooked our turkeys. (I'll also jump a little ahead in the story to tell you I've never made gravy either. Never, no kind!) But hey...I'm 64 years old. How difficult can this be? TR Baker and I talked Sunday night about the turkey. The internet said to put the "bird" in the refrigerator to thaw for several days. By Wednesday night he was thawed! How to cook? Internet again but fortunately one of the painters at the house had shared with me he uses a cooking bag. I bought a cooking bag. The instructions on the turkey wrapping said my size turkey would need to cook 6-7 hours. The cooking bag said my size turkey would need to cook 3-4 hours. That's a big difference. I decide to put it in the oven at 12:30am, set the alarm for 4:30am and check it out. I can do this! First I have to get the turkey in the bag. My painter also told me to be sure and check the inside of the bird for neck and organs. What????? I put on plastic gloves and reach into the chest cavity and grab a neck!!!! Then on to the other end where I find some stuff in a paper bag and a ton of fat, just chunks of fat. Am I awake???? This is disgusting! OK, got him in the bag and in the oven. The alarm wakes me at 4:30am and when I check the bird, it looks beautiful! That little pop out thing has popped out and the top is a beautiful golden brown. I did it!!!! Back to bed for a little bit.
I have everything just about ready. Mashed potatoes, dressing, green beans, sweet potatoes, yeast rolls, pies, salad, but something's missing. GRAVY!!!! I quickly call daughter Libby. I also spoke with her last night about cooking the turkey and she had no idea I had never cooked a turkey. She gave me several wonderful suggestions. Now I really needed her help. She says it's easy. (Right!) She talks about the drippings (??) and cornstarch, cold water and wisking, wisking, wisking. She's also upset because she cannot find the fish apron. She's got the fish potholder but cannot find the apron!!!! I tell her to get the kids to find the apron and she tells me I can make gravy, and I did!
We are ready to sit down. Emily, Brett, Garrett, Gracie, Claudia (works at the candy store and recently lost her husband), TR and me. It's Thanksgiving and we all have much to be thankful for. Family, friends, good food to eat, a warm house, and God to guide us. Throughout the day I kept running into HC Baker. He was the turkey, he was the gravy, he was the pumpkin pie, he was Garrett wanting to eat in front of the TV to watch a football game, he was Gracie sneaking candy out of my grandmother's candy dish, he was with all of us laughing and enjoying the day. Hope you enjoyed yours! xxoo
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Don't Laugh 'Til We're Back in the Car!
It makes no difference what day it is, how long HC Baker has been dead or what holiday is just around the corner. No matter how you look at it, our family has had a few hurdles to jump in the past few months. Of course HC's death was a shock, but my sister Linda being diagnosed with cancer also hit us very hard. The chemo was working and she and I would try and do something outside the house every day. We'd pick up our sister Mary and got out to lunch. And you didn't have to ask any of us twice to go shopping!
Linda and I fell into a routine we loved. When out and about and we really needed something, we'd tell the "helper" in a hushed tone, "My husband just died" or "I have cancer"! The first time we tried this we needed a new chain on a chain saw. My grandson Daniel was coming to Linda's to cut down a tree. She said it needed a new chain and I was just the driver, so off we went. We went into one of those big box stores (un-named but it wasn't the orange one - I hate them and one day when I have nothing else to write, I'll tell you why!) In that kind of store we don't look around. We walk in and ask where to find what we need. We were directed to the aisle and did find a man there who took us right to the item. He looked at us and said "You won't have any trouble changing the chain." (Whoa Baby!) Linda (with very little hair left on her head) and I looked at each other knowing full well we were not going to be the ones to replace the chain. I turned to the man and said "my husband just died and would you fix this for us?" He looked at both of us and said "of course". It worked. Several days later we decided we needed a deep freeze in Linda's garage. The main reason for this need was Linda just had too much frozen food in her kitchen freezer. Back to the big box store (a different location) and we find the freezer we want. The man tells us he'd put it on a 4-wheel dolly and we could push it to the front, pay for it, and roll it out to our car. (Right!) This time Linda (with very little hair left on her head) stepped up to the plate and said "I have cancer. Can you do roll it out to our car for us?" He looked at both of us and said "of course". We've got this down!
The next week after a "3 sisters lunch", we decided to go to a local discount store for some additional mulch. Mary is with us and we have not informed her of our little one-act play. We go into the garden department of the store and tell the person in charge of mulch we want 20 bags. To make it more convenient for us, he says to pull our car up to the exterior garden entrance to load. Once again Linda (with even less hair on her head) says "I have cancer. Can you load it for us?" Mary says "Oh for heaven's sake. I can load it." And she did! This time when we all got into the car and pulled away, Linda and I told her she had just ruined our routine! We explained what we did and she told both of us we should be ashamed of ourselves! Then Linda and I laughed!
Moral of this story - Don't take Mary shopping with us anymore!!!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thanksgiving 2010
In the past 17 months I have grown to hate the "first's" special days that have followed HC Baker's death. I've experienced our first wedding anniversary alone and am about to face the first Thanksgiving alone.
I left our cottage in northern Michigan and returned to Louisville at the first of November. I've had 3 weeks to prepare for this but now know I am totally unprepared. As it turns out, my sister Mary's friend Seamus has experienced a tragedy in his family. His youngest brother has died and Mary and Seamus are going to Ireland for his funeral. The time frame for this will include the Thanksgiving holiday. Mary and Seamus have a beautiful golden retriever named Molly and she needs someone to be with her during their absence. I will stay at Mary's and keep Molly company. I have a purpose! Isn't that what we all want...to be needed? OK, I now have something to keep me focused so I just need to get through the Thanksgiving day.
Our daughter Libby has decided she will cook Thanksgiving dinner. She is a wonderful cook and will prepare all the family's favorites. Thanksgiving Day arrives and I just cannot go to church. Last year is too fresh in my memory. My sister Linda and her husband Bill come by to pick me up and head to Libby's. (Remember, Libby has 4 children, always an assortment of dogs, and who knows how many kids' friends.) True to Libby's form, she is cooking enough food for a small army with every burner on the stove on high and 6 beautiful pies sitting on the washer and dryer (away from the dogs!). She is wearing one of her father's aprons. It's the one that makes her look like she is dressed to fish and in the middle of the front, there is a "velcroed" oven mitt shaped like a fish! I help set the table and make sure everyone will have a chair. The kids start dragging the extra chairs in from all the other rooms in their home. It's so "family", don't you think?
Dinner is ready and smells heavenly. Unknown to me, Libby already decided and asked Adam (her youngest) to say the blessing. Ever since Adam was 2 years old, he has been the most beautiful, sweetest 'pray-er". Today his words are simple and touch all of our tender hearts. Lots of sniffles as he says "amen".
Dig in! There is everything! Of course there's turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes, and corn bread stuffing, but add to that green beans, corn pudding, one of those cool whip salads, tossed salad, macaroni and cheese, baked sweet potatoes with toasted marshmallows, and buttery rolls. Oh my gosh! Everyone is eating, laughing, talking, passing food, Libby is jumping up from the table for something she forgot, knees are touching under the table, smiling eyes are meeting over the food, and everyone is loving each other. I hope this sounds like the Thanksgiving each of you experiences because it's a very special feeling...one of love.
I made it through the day and returned to spend the evening with Molly. We were thankful for each other.
11/21/11 - TODAY'S NOTE: In February, 2011, Molly was diagnosed with cancer. She had 2 surgeries and 8 chemo treatments. She seemed to be doing well so Mary and Seamus planned another trip to Ireland for the first anniversary of Seamus' brother's death. Molly was staying with a dear friend of Mary's and on Friday morning the friend called my sister Linda and said Molly wasn't doing well at all. Linda went to get her and take her to her vet. With great sadness in my heart, I must tell you Molly died Friday, November 18, 2011, with her head in Linda's lap. Like all of you, we are mourning the loss of Molly. And please say a prayer for Mary. She wasn't with Molly at the end so her heart is doubly broken.
I'm thankful for all of you.
I left our cottage in northern Michigan and returned to Louisville at the first of November. I've had 3 weeks to prepare for this but now know I am totally unprepared. As it turns out, my sister Mary's friend Seamus has experienced a tragedy in his family. His youngest brother has died and Mary and Seamus are going to Ireland for his funeral. The time frame for this will include the Thanksgiving holiday. Mary and Seamus have a beautiful golden retriever named Molly and she needs someone to be with her during their absence. I will stay at Mary's and keep Molly company. I have a purpose! Isn't that what we all want...to be needed? OK, I now have something to keep me focused so I just need to get through the Thanksgiving day.
Our daughter Libby has decided she will cook Thanksgiving dinner. She is a wonderful cook and will prepare all the family's favorites. Thanksgiving Day arrives and I just cannot go to church. Last year is too fresh in my memory. My sister Linda and her husband Bill come by to pick me up and head to Libby's. (Remember, Libby has 4 children, always an assortment of dogs, and who knows how many kids' friends.) True to Libby's form, she is cooking enough food for a small army with every burner on the stove on high and 6 beautiful pies sitting on the washer and dryer (away from the dogs!). She is wearing one of her father's aprons. It's the one that makes her look like she is dressed to fish and in the middle of the front, there is a "velcroed" oven mitt shaped like a fish! I help set the table and make sure everyone will have a chair. The kids start dragging the extra chairs in from all the other rooms in their home. It's so "family", don't you think?
Dinner is ready and smells heavenly. Unknown to me, Libby already decided and asked Adam (her youngest) to say the blessing. Ever since Adam was 2 years old, he has been the most beautiful, sweetest 'pray-er". Today his words are simple and touch all of our tender hearts. Lots of sniffles as he says "amen".
Dig in! There is everything! Of course there's turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes, and corn bread stuffing, but add to that green beans, corn pudding, one of those cool whip salads, tossed salad, macaroni and cheese, baked sweet potatoes with toasted marshmallows, and buttery rolls. Oh my gosh! Everyone is eating, laughing, talking, passing food, Libby is jumping up from the table for something she forgot, knees are touching under the table, smiling eyes are meeting over the food, and everyone is loving each other. I hope this sounds like the Thanksgiving each of you experiences because it's a very special feeling...one of love.
I made it through the day and returned to spend the evening with Molly. We were thankful for each other.
11/21/11 - TODAY'S NOTE: In February, 2011, Molly was diagnosed with cancer. She had 2 surgeries and 8 chemo treatments. She seemed to be doing well so Mary and Seamus planned another trip to Ireland for the first anniversary of Seamus' brother's death. Molly was staying with a dear friend of Mary's and on Friday morning the friend called my sister Linda and said Molly wasn't doing well at all. Linda went to get her and take her to her vet. With great sadness in my heart, I must tell you Molly died Friday, November 18, 2011, with her head in Linda's lap. Like all of you, we are mourning the loss of Molly. And please say a prayer for Mary. She wasn't with Molly at the end so her heart is doubly broken.
I'm thankful for all of you.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Memories
Today - November 19, 2011
I have spent the day unpacking my household goods that have been stored since August, 2010. What a day! My new (to me) house is 85% complete so I have started to put things in order. I also plan to cook Thanksgiving dinner so I needed to get organized. I only have a few problems - stove is on back-order, microwave came dented and was sent back, and...I HAVE NO COUNTER TOPS!!!! Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday should be interesting!
Back to unpacking. I would open a box and the first thing I would unwrap would give me a clue as to what was in the box. It's been very emotional. Think of all the things you have around you all the time and don't give them a second thought. But when your life changes so many of those things take on a brand new meaning.
HC Baker and I gave each other special books all the time. The only rule we had about that was the giver had to read the book before it was given and any special words or phrases or thoughts had to be hi-lighted. HC hi-lighted with yellow or orange and I hi-lighted with pink or blue. We also wrote a note on the first available page. I found all those books and read what we had written to each other.
HC Baker collected nativities. He would buy them whenever we traveled and each one has its' own memories. Our favorite we bought during a trip to Dallas in 1982. We called it our 365 nativity because we never put it away. It's very small and the backdrop looks like a cave. On the back of the cave is inscribed "May the love that is Christmas be our guiding star all the days of the year".
Our kitchen dishes - I like to "mix up" my dish patterns. There were a lot of patterns but HC Baker always wanted a particular plate. The same was true of drinking glasses. His was huge (not a pitcher so many of you saw him use at church) but nevertheless a big glass.
HC's Bible - Hi-lighted from Genesis to Revelation! And all his notes. The only challenge is being able to read his writing!
A soapstone Christ HC brought back from Brazil. That was such a wonderful trip for him. He loved every moment.
A carved wooden elephant he brought back from India. That was an incredible experience for him. I believe his heart was changed forever (emotionally speaking, not medically!).
A Canadian Honker baseball cap. The Canadian Honker was a restaurant across the street from the Mayo Clinic. I ate there a lot. The first time Jack and Lou Fox came to be with us at Mayo we went there. I thought the name was funny because the first time I saw it I thought it was called the Canadian Hooker!!!!! Anyway, Jack and Lou gave HC the hat for Christmas in 2009. Though he had never been there, he could see it out of the window in some of the rooms where he stayed.
Everything in your home has a story. All of them are precious and have made you who you are. I know this for a fact.
I have spent the day unpacking my household goods that have been stored since August, 2010. What a day! My new (to me) house is 85% complete so I have started to put things in order. I also plan to cook Thanksgiving dinner so I needed to get organized. I only have a few problems - stove is on back-order, microwave came dented and was sent back, and...I HAVE NO COUNTER TOPS!!!! Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday should be interesting!
Back to unpacking. I would open a box and the first thing I would unwrap would give me a clue as to what was in the box. It's been very emotional. Think of all the things you have around you all the time and don't give them a second thought. But when your life changes so many of those things take on a brand new meaning.
HC Baker and I gave each other special books all the time. The only rule we had about that was the giver had to read the book before it was given and any special words or phrases or thoughts had to be hi-lighted. HC hi-lighted with yellow or orange and I hi-lighted with pink or blue. We also wrote a note on the first available page. I found all those books and read what we had written to each other.
HC Baker collected nativities. He would buy them whenever we traveled and each one has its' own memories. Our favorite we bought during a trip to Dallas in 1982. We called it our 365 nativity because we never put it away. It's very small and the backdrop looks like a cave. On the back of the cave is inscribed "May the love that is Christmas be our guiding star all the days of the year".
Our kitchen dishes - I like to "mix up" my dish patterns. There were a lot of patterns but HC Baker always wanted a particular plate. The same was true of drinking glasses. His was huge (not a pitcher so many of you saw him use at church) but nevertheless a big glass.
HC's Bible - Hi-lighted from Genesis to Revelation! And all his notes. The only challenge is being able to read his writing!
A soapstone Christ HC brought back from Brazil. That was such a wonderful trip for him. He loved every moment.
A carved wooden elephant he brought back from India. That was an incredible experience for him. I believe his heart was changed forever (emotionally speaking, not medically!).
A Canadian Honker baseball cap. The Canadian Honker was a restaurant across the street from the Mayo Clinic. I ate there a lot. The first time Jack and Lou Fox came to be with us at Mayo we went there. I thought the name was funny because the first time I saw it I thought it was called the Canadian Hooker!!!!! Anyway, Jack and Lou gave HC the hat for Christmas in 2009. Though he had never been there, he could see it out of the window in some of the rooms where he stayed.
Everything in your home has a story. All of them are precious and have made you who you are. I know this for a fact.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thanksgiving 2009
At this time in 2009 HC Baker and I were home from a month-long stay at the Mayo Clinic. In past years HC always prepared a huge Thanksgiving dinner for our family. Our family often included 100+ people we had never seen before. That was HC Baker. This year was going to be different. I spoke with my sisters and we all decided we would eat out! It took some getting used to but we all finally got comfortable with the idea. None of us would have to clean our home, go to the grocery store and exhaust ourselves getting ready for guests.
As always, HC and I decided we would go to the Thanksgiving service at church in the morning. We definitely had much to be thankful for. I came home from work one evening and HC said guess what? I hate these kinds of games so I said just tell me. He said HE was going to be the speaker for the Thanksgiving service. Dear Tim Galyon had called and said the staff decided HC Baker had the most to be thankful for and would he share his story during the service. Of course he said yes. So we began the discussions of what he would say. He had a very different recollection of the journey than I did and I am so glad.
HC's recovery was going to be a very long journey. We were both absolutely thrilled to be home but we also knew the road ahead was very long. HC's strength was the big issue. He didn't have any. And for a guy who never stopped moving and doing, that was a problem. He was frustrated and working hard to conceal it. So this speaking engagement was a wonderful distraction for him.
Never one to write down what he would say, he would put all the ideas into his head and come out talking. The only thing he asked me to do for him was to keep time. Tim gave him 20-25 minutes. Most people would think this was enough but I knew HC Baker and trust me, he could talk for days. (One of the things we had in common!)
Well, we made it through. I had to signal him 3 different times to "shut-up" (I knew it!) before he finally came to a close. I know I had a hard time listening to his telling of the events. Quite honestly, I'm not sure how either one of us survived a few of those days. The one thing HC always said...No matter what happens, it is well with my soul. It was a good Thanksgiving morning and all of us indeed had much to be thankful for.
As always, HC and I decided we would go to the Thanksgiving service at church in the morning. We definitely had much to be thankful for. I came home from work one evening and HC said guess what? I hate these kinds of games so I said just tell me. He said HE was going to be the speaker for the Thanksgiving service. Dear Tim Galyon had called and said the staff decided HC Baker had the most to be thankful for and would he share his story during the service. Of course he said yes. So we began the discussions of what he would say. He had a very different recollection of the journey than I did and I am so glad.
HC's recovery was going to be a very long journey. We were both absolutely thrilled to be home but we also knew the road ahead was very long. HC's strength was the big issue. He didn't have any. And for a guy who never stopped moving and doing, that was a problem. He was frustrated and working hard to conceal it. So this speaking engagement was a wonderful distraction for him.
Never one to write down what he would say, he would put all the ideas into his head and come out talking. The only thing he asked me to do for him was to keep time. Tim gave him 20-25 minutes. Most people would think this was enough but I knew HC Baker and trust me, he could talk for days. (One of the things we had in common!)
Well, we made it through. I had to signal him 3 different times to "shut-up" (I knew it!) before he finally came to a close. I know I had a hard time listening to his telling of the events. Quite honestly, I'm not sure how either one of us survived a few of those days. The one thing HC always said...No matter what happens, it is well with my soul. It was a good Thanksgiving morning and all of us indeed had much to be thankful for.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Trip to the Grocery Store!
Here's the deal. I'd never done the money stuff, didn't do the outdoor stuff, and now I'll tell you I didn't go the grocery store stuff either! After yesterday's writing, I was reminded of the first and second time I went to the grocery AHCD (after HC's death).
For the first few weeks after HC Baker died, Emily, Libby and TR did the grocery shopping. They were doing the cooking so they shopped for what they needed. Then they all went home. I was trying to fill the void by looking for anything to do. I decided I would go to the grocery store. I got in the car and drove to the Kroger store at Hubbard's Lane and Westport Road. I walked in the door and got a cart. I didn't have a list. Not a problem. I'll just go up and down the aisles and get some "stuff"! I was looking for things I could prepare for one person. I looked and I looked and I looked. Everything looked like it was for 2 people. Plus, I only saw things HC would like. I began to cry full force. I was standing in front of the canned soups and I couldn't move. Do you know not one person offered to help me? Would you have offered help to a crying stranger in the grocery store? I left the empty cart right there and walked out.
The next morning I told myself this was ridiculous. Everybody goes to the grocery store and I would just have to join that club. Back I went...to the same Kroger and this time I had a list (5 things on it). I wondered if anyone would remember me from last night. Again I'm wandering. I don't even know where stuff is! I feel like it's gonna' happen again, the tears. Some one help me! Around the corner came David King, a wonderful friend from "way" back. David had recently lost his partner, Doug, and he knew exactly what I was feeling. He took one look at me and hugged me with tears in both our eyes. We talked and talked. I shared my experience from the previous evening and he told me the next time I needed to go to the grocery store to call him and he gave me his number. We parted and both of us continued to shop. A few rows later, there was David again. He said I have to tell you something. He told me he hated to go to the grocery store and today he really didn't need anything, but he said the Lord told him to go. And I am so glad he did. He also said seeing and talking to me was as important to him as it was to me. Continually amazed by the works of our Lord. And looking for my Samaritan moment. Hope you find one for yourself.
PS - I don't have any more grocery store problems..except for the high prices!!!! Had no idea!
For the first few weeks after HC Baker died, Emily, Libby and TR did the grocery shopping. They were doing the cooking so they shopped for what they needed. Then they all went home. I was trying to fill the void by looking for anything to do. I decided I would go to the grocery store. I got in the car and drove to the Kroger store at Hubbard's Lane and Westport Road. I walked in the door and got a cart. I didn't have a list. Not a problem. I'll just go up and down the aisles and get some "stuff"! I was looking for things I could prepare for one person. I looked and I looked and I looked. Everything looked like it was for 2 people. Plus, I only saw things HC would like. I began to cry full force. I was standing in front of the canned soups and I couldn't move. Do you know not one person offered to help me? Would you have offered help to a crying stranger in the grocery store? I left the empty cart right there and walked out.
The next morning I told myself this was ridiculous. Everybody goes to the grocery store and I would just have to join that club. Back I went...to the same Kroger and this time I had a list (5 things on it). I wondered if anyone would remember me from last night. Again I'm wandering. I don't even know where stuff is! I feel like it's gonna' happen again, the tears. Some one help me! Around the corner came David King, a wonderful friend from "way" back. David had recently lost his partner, Doug, and he knew exactly what I was feeling. He took one look at me and hugged me with tears in both our eyes. We talked and talked. I shared my experience from the previous evening and he told me the next time I needed to go to the grocery store to call him and he gave me his number. We parted and both of us continued to shop. A few rows later, there was David again. He said I have to tell you something. He told me he hated to go to the grocery store and today he really didn't need anything, but he said the Lord told him to go. And I am so glad he did. He also said seeing and talking to me was as important to him as it was to me. Continually amazed by the works of our Lord. And looking for my Samaritan moment. Hope you find one for yourself.
PS - I don't have any more grocery store problems..except for the high prices!!!! Had no idea!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
My New Home
I arrived safely in Indian River. I felt I was "home" at the little blue cottage. I'm sorry most of you never saw it because it was so cozy and friendly. It was a collection of recycled, repainted, repurposed furniture and "stuff". It always made me smile.
My first evening was spent with Emily, Brett, Garrett and Gracie and what a wonderful evening it was. There's nothing like children's laughter and hugs and kisses to make you feel better. Now I'm getting ready to go to bed and wonder where I will sleep. I decided the same thing I decided in Louisville. I slept in HC's bed and had the best night's sleep in a long time.
I plan to stay here until November 1. At that time I will return to Louisville to vote (if you don't vote you can't complain) and remain there for Thanksgiving and Christmas returning to Indian River December 26. That much I know I'm doing! Everything between now and then, who knows?
In addition to no previous experience writing checks, going to the bank, paying bills, etc., I also had never worked in the yard. I'm not an outdoor person. I always say I use the out of doors to get from one indoor place to another! I'm the person who when outside is looking for a concrete place to stand. I hate any type of bug, snake, or rodent, no matter how cute or pretty or interesting they are. But here I am and there are leaves to rake...lots of leaves. I know we have rakes but they are in the garage and I'm 100% sure there are spiders in the garage. So, first I have to go to the grocery store and buy bug spray. Once I'm back home, I hold my nose, stick my head in the side door to the garage, and empty the bug spray. I feel better. Rake in hand, I begin the task. After about an hour of raking (with gloves on), Brett pulls in the driveway and asks what I'm doing? DUH??? He goes into the garage, comes out with a leaf blower (who knew?), and in about 15 minutes had all the leaves at the fire pit! Now here's the good part. It's OK to burn leaves in Indian River. Do you know what a wonderful memory the smell of burning leaves is? I pull up a chair next to the fire, close my eyes, and I remember my Dad raking leaves and burning them in our back yard while my sisters and I jumped in the piles. What fun!
My outdoor chores completed (ha! ha!), now comes the hard part. I have to fix dinner for myself. Until I came to Indian River, I had been very fortunate to share meals with family and friends. Oh I know there were times when HC was alive I ate dinner alone but it was a temporary thing. He was out of town, on an appointment, at a meeting, or whatever. Now it was not a temporary thing, it was permanent. What do I fix? When do I eat? Who do I talk to while cooking and eating? I spent the next hour trying to figure out what to do. It sounds so simple...fix dinner. I can't tell you how painful this became. I ended up crying, decided I wasn't hungry and went to bed.
The next morning I realized I needed to make a plan. I used to do this when the children were young and I worked. Make a menu for the week, make a grocery list, buy what's on the list and just DO IT!
Today will be better.
My first evening was spent with Emily, Brett, Garrett and Gracie and what a wonderful evening it was. There's nothing like children's laughter and hugs and kisses to make you feel better. Now I'm getting ready to go to bed and wonder where I will sleep. I decided the same thing I decided in Louisville. I slept in HC's bed and had the best night's sleep in a long time.
I plan to stay here until November 1. At that time I will return to Louisville to vote (if you don't vote you can't complain) and remain there for Thanksgiving and Christmas returning to Indian River December 26. That much I know I'm doing! Everything between now and then, who knows?
In addition to no previous experience writing checks, going to the bank, paying bills, etc., I also had never worked in the yard. I'm not an outdoor person. I always say I use the out of doors to get from one indoor place to another! I'm the person who when outside is looking for a concrete place to stand. I hate any type of bug, snake, or rodent, no matter how cute or pretty or interesting they are. But here I am and there are leaves to rake...lots of leaves. I know we have rakes but they are in the garage and I'm 100% sure there are spiders in the garage. So, first I have to go to the grocery store and buy bug spray. Once I'm back home, I hold my nose, stick my head in the side door to the garage, and empty the bug spray. I feel better. Rake in hand, I begin the task. After about an hour of raking (with gloves on), Brett pulls in the driveway and asks what I'm doing? DUH??? He goes into the garage, comes out with a leaf blower (who knew?), and in about 15 minutes had all the leaves at the fire pit! Now here's the good part. It's OK to burn leaves in Indian River. Do you know what a wonderful memory the smell of burning leaves is? I pull up a chair next to the fire, close my eyes, and I remember my Dad raking leaves and burning them in our back yard while my sisters and I jumped in the piles. What fun!
My outdoor chores completed (ha! ha!), now comes the hard part. I have to fix dinner for myself. Until I came to Indian River, I had been very fortunate to share meals with family and friends. Oh I know there were times when HC was alive I ate dinner alone but it was a temporary thing. He was out of town, on an appointment, at a meeting, or whatever. Now it was not a temporary thing, it was permanent. What do I fix? When do I eat? Who do I talk to while cooking and eating? I spent the next hour trying to figure out what to do. It sounds so simple...fix dinner. I can't tell you how painful this became. I ended up crying, decided I wasn't hungry and went to bed.
The next morning I realized I needed to make a plan. I used to do this when the children were young and I worked. Make a menu for the week, make a grocery list, buy what's on the list and just DO IT!
Today will be better.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The Drive
Louisville to Indianapolis to Fort Wayne to Lansing to Indian River. And my biggest fear is I have to go by mile marker 262. I have 4 of my super-duper favorite cd's plus a brand new one I should have memorized by the time I arrive. Once I compose myself from the leave-taking, I sing my way to Fort Wayne. I'm trying so hard to NOT focus on the last time I made this trip, but it seemed as if the last 16 months of our lives was written on the windshield.
Close to one year ago, September 14, 2009, HC Baker was at Baptist East Hospital trying to recover from open heart surgery that replaced his mitral heart valve. It wasn't going well. Lots and lots of doctors, lots and lots of tests and very serious discussions between HC and me. We didn't understand what was happening or not happening. The heart surgeon came into HC's room and told us he would suggest going somewhere else for treatment as he had done all he could. He recommended Mayo, a hospital in Toronto, and Cleveland Clinic. We asked about other doctors/hospitals in Louisville but he said no one could do this locally. He said HC was suffering from hemolysis meaning in very simple terms, as his blood raced through his brand new, titanium mitral valve, because it wasn't working properly some of the blood ran back the other/opposite/wrong way. In other words, the surgery didn't work. HC and I were speechless. What do you say to that? He told us to think about it, let him know our decision, and he would make the arrangements, then he left. The rest of that day we could hardly speak to each other let alone anyone else.
That night at home, I "googled" hemolysis and the first response was from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. I read that and kept reading nearly all night. I printed much of it so I could share it with HC. The next morning HC and I discussed it, and we asked every doctor who came through the door. Now keep in mind, HC does not make quick decisions but this one was going to have to be made sooner rather than later. Based on my research (like I knew what I was doing), Mayo was pioneering a few procedures that were less invasive than another open heart. I called the hospital and spoke with the heart "service" about this. Their easy, friendly, concerned attitudes made me feel comfortable and I shared that with HC. With all our information, we decided to go to Mayo in Minnesota. You know, all your life you hear about the Mayo Clinic and now we were going there. We had lots of questions - one being would I drive him there? NO, he is too ill and needs to be there as quickly as the arrangements can be made. So????? We would be air-ambulanced. (I know this is over 2 years ago, but for any of you who may have a similar experience, and I pray you never have anything even remotely similar, I am getting ready to make a huge error in judgment. Listen closely.) You husband is incredibly ill. He is now on kidney dialysis and receiving blood transfusions. The hospital social worker comes in to talk to you about the air-ambulance trip. She says she needs my credit card because the air fare (for HC and me on this plane) must be paid in advance. There's never a problem. They would submit it to my insurance and they would reimburse us. The charge on my card would be $10,842. Remember, the heart surgeon has told us we need to go elsewhere, my husband's prognosis is not good, and the social worker said not a problem with insurance reimbursing us. What would you do? I gave her my card (praying it would take $10,842). To make this part of the story much more brief than it was, the insurance company did NOT reimburse us and told us we could have gone to another hospital in the city. And let me tell you, I was not happy about it. I called, I wrote letters to the insurance company president (never even had any response from HER), I wrote letters to doctors, to congressmen and senators, if you can think of some one I should have written, trust me, I did! Just remembering that part of this journey during my drive, dried my tears fast!
Let me finish the airplane story before I get to my cottage. Man, I talk a lot!
September 17, 2009 -
I am at work making an attempt to catch up when my phone rings. It's HC and he says there will be an airplane at Bowman Field at 3:30pm that afternoon and we are to be on it. He gives me a few instructions, I tell him I will go home and pack a few things and see him at the hospital soon. I hang up and immediately burst into tears. I call both my sisters and tell them to meet me at the house and help me. By the time I get home, they are there. I'm not packing for a wonderful resort vacation, I'm packing for a place I know nothing about, for a length of time I know nothing about, at a place to stay I know nothing about, that you have to pay for that I don't know how much it costs (my credit card limit has just been "used up"), and who knows what else. Somehow, we manage this and I am at the hospital waiting for the plane. With each passing minute more people appear in HC's room. Family and friends who have chosen to spend this time with us are an incredible blessing. There's talking, laughing, praying and crying (me). HC who is so ill asks to lead all of us in prayer (and he's a great pray-er). He closes by telling all of us, "no matter what happens, It is well with my soul." The transport nurses arrive, we are loaded into a regular ambulance, taken to Bowman Field and loaded onto the air-ambulance. Here's what I remember about that ride. Many of our friends who were with us in HC's hospital room followed us to Bowman Field. As HC was loaded onto the plane, they parked their cars and ran up to the fence as the plane was getting ready to lift off. I looked out the window and my tears just wouldn't stop. These people who loved us so much, who we loved so much...when would we see them again? We had no idea what lay ahead of us.
And that "traveling" experience is what filled my thoughts driving to Indian River that day. As I focused on the road, I realized I was passing the Grayling exit and mile marker 262 was fast approaching. What would I do, what could I do, what should I do? Mile marker 261 passed me by and I slowed down and pulled onto the shoulder. Then I saw the tree. The marks were still there. I stopped and just sat there. I cried and prayed and prayed and cried. My cell phone rang. I had received quite a few calls during the trip from friends just checking on me. I love them. This call was Brett, my son-in-law. He asked me where I was and I couldn't tell him. After a few moments of silence he said, "You're at the accident site aren't you?" I said yes and he said wait there and I'll come to you. And he would have! But I told him to stay where he was, give me a little more time and I'd be there. After a few more minutes, I put the car in gear and drove on. I'd be at the cottage in an hour.
I made it and here I was again with no idea what lay ahead of me.
Close to one year ago, September 14, 2009, HC Baker was at Baptist East Hospital trying to recover from open heart surgery that replaced his mitral heart valve. It wasn't going well. Lots and lots of doctors, lots and lots of tests and very serious discussions between HC and me. We didn't understand what was happening or not happening. The heart surgeon came into HC's room and told us he would suggest going somewhere else for treatment as he had done all he could. He recommended Mayo, a hospital in Toronto, and Cleveland Clinic. We asked about other doctors/hospitals in Louisville but he said no one could do this locally. He said HC was suffering from hemolysis meaning in very simple terms, as his blood raced through his brand new, titanium mitral valve, because it wasn't working properly some of the blood ran back the other/opposite/wrong way. In other words, the surgery didn't work. HC and I were speechless. What do you say to that? He told us to think about it, let him know our decision, and he would make the arrangements, then he left. The rest of that day we could hardly speak to each other let alone anyone else.
That night at home, I "googled" hemolysis and the first response was from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. I read that and kept reading nearly all night. I printed much of it so I could share it with HC. The next morning HC and I discussed it, and we asked every doctor who came through the door. Now keep in mind, HC does not make quick decisions but this one was going to have to be made sooner rather than later. Based on my research (like I knew what I was doing), Mayo was pioneering a few procedures that were less invasive than another open heart. I called the hospital and spoke with the heart "service" about this. Their easy, friendly, concerned attitudes made me feel comfortable and I shared that with HC. With all our information, we decided to go to Mayo in Minnesota. You know, all your life you hear about the Mayo Clinic and now we were going there. We had lots of questions - one being would I drive him there? NO, he is too ill and needs to be there as quickly as the arrangements can be made. So????? We would be air-ambulanced. (I know this is over 2 years ago, but for any of you who may have a similar experience, and I pray you never have anything even remotely similar, I am getting ready to make a huge error in judgment. Listen closely.) You husband is incredibly ill. He is now on kidney dialysis and receiving blood transfusions. The hospital social worker comes in to talk to you about the air-ambulance trip. She says she needs my credit card because the air fare (for HC and me on this plane) must be paid in advance. There's never a problem. They would submit it to my insurance and they would reimburse us. The charge on my card would be $10,842. Remember, the heart surgeon has told us we need to go elsewhere, my husband's prognosis is not good, and the social worker said not a problem with insurance reimbursing us. What would you do? I gave her my card (praying it would take $10,842). To make this part of the story much more brief than it was, the insurance company did NOT reimburse us and told us we could have gone to another hospital in the city. And let me tell you, I was not happy about it. I called, I wrote letters to the insurance company president (never even had any response from HER), I wrote letters to doctors, to congressmen and senators, if you can think of some one I should have written, trust me, I did! Just remembering that part of this journey during my drive, dried my tears fast!
Let me finish the airplane story before I get to my cottage. Man, I talk a lot!
September 17, 2009 -
I am at work making an attempt to catch up when my phone rings. It's HC and he says there will be an airplane at Bowman Field at 3:30pm that afternoon and we are to be on it. He gives me a few instructions, I tell him I will go home and pack a few things and see him at the hospital soon. I hang up and immediately burst into tears. I call both my sisters and tell them to meet me at the house and help me. By the time I get home, they are there. I'm not packing for a wonderful resort vacation, I'm packing for a place I know nothing about, for a length of time I know nothing about, at a place to stay I know nothing about, that you have to pay for that I don't know how much it costs (my credit card limit has just been "used up"), and who knows what else. Somehow, we manage this and I am at the hospital waiting for the plane. With each passing minute more people appear in HC's room. Family and friends who have chosen to spend this time with us are an incredible blessing. There's talking, laughing, praying and crying (me). HC who is so ill asks to lead all of us in prayer (and he's a great pray-er). He closes by telling all of us, "no matter what happens, It is well with my soul." The transport nurses arrive, we are loaded into a regular ambulance, taken to Bowman Field and loaded onto the air-ambulance. Here's what I remember about that ride. Many of our friends who were with us in HC's hospital room followed us to Bowman Field. As HC was loaded onto the plane, they parked their cars and ran up to the fence as the plane was getting ready to lift off. I looked out the window and my tears just wouldn't stop. These people who loved us so much, who we loved so much...when would we see them again? We had no idea what lay ahead of us.
And that "traveling" experience is what filled my thoughts driving to Indian River that day. As I focused on the road, I realized I was passing the Grayling exit and mile marker 262 was fast approaching. What would I do, what could I do, what should I do? Mile marker 261 passed me by and I slowed down and pulled onto the shoulder. Then I saw the tree. The marks were still there. I stopped and just sat there. I cried and prayed and prayed and cried. My cell phone rang. I had received quite a few calls during the trip from friends just checking on me. I love them. This call was Brett, my son-in-law. He asked me where I was and I couldn't tell him. After a few moments of silence he said, "You're at the accident site aren't you?" I said yes and he said wait there and I'll come to you. And he would have! But I told him to stay where he was, give me a little more time and I'd be there. After a few more minutes, I put the car in gear and drove on. I'd be at the cottage in an hour.
I made it and here I was again with no idea what lay ahead of me.
Monday, November 14, 2011
A Loaded Car
I'm headed to my sister Linda's home to stay for about 10 days. My car is full of clothes, accessories, my laptop, a few books, and my favorite photos. I will be glad to spend the time with her and help her do whatever needs to be done. She is responding well to the chemo but is still so very weak and the pain is like a shadow, always just beyond her grasp. My sister, Mary, is also helping and will continue to "cover" for me while I'm away.
One thing I haven't talked about during this ordeal is that St. Matthews Baptist Church is without a senior pastor. We have an incredible staff that has filled those shoes to overflowing. And our interim pastor, Billy Compton, has carved a permanent home for he and his wife, Miss Sue Ann, that will leave a void like no other when his "term" is over. Our former pastor, Les Hollon, has been wonderful. He has called me many times and I know is never more than a phone call away. And my Christian friends, absolutely could not have survived without them. The good news is we have "called" a pastor and we are planning a wonderful weekend for his ordination service and his first Sunday to preach. And being Baptists, there must be a party that involves food! With all that has happened in my life, I'm kinda' on the very edge of these happenings but so grateful to a wonderful friend, Denise, for calling me and asking me to help with the reception. She said she would understand if I could not, but sincerely hoped I would. I said yes worrying all the while if I could really do this. I also planned to leave for my cottage in Michigan the day after Dr. Barr's first Sunday.
WOW! Dr. Barr is a big guy! (And that's how I refer to him to this day!) The celebration reception was wonderful. Anything Denise touches is perfect! I had an opportunity to see and speak with so many people. And the Sunday morning service was spoken directly to me. (Wasn't the big guy kind to do that?) It was also a very emotional day for me. I seem to keep leaving precious things behind and I wonder if that's the right thing to do. I've said my goodbyes to my family and now I'm saying goodbye to my friends. I was also blessed to have many lunches with amazing friends prior to leaving. More and more tears. Where are they coming from?
My last night in Louisville and it's filled with emotions. Although I'm going to family (Emily, Brett, Garrett, Grace), I'm leaving family behind. Libby and her 4 (Daniel, Hannah, Isaac, Adam), TR in such raw, exposed pain, my sisters, and my friends. Do I know what I'm doing? NO, but it seems to be the direction God is leading me.
Sleep was not my friend that night and at 6am I hugged Linda (and cried) and headed north.
One thing I haven't talked about during this ordeal is that St. Matthews Baptist Church is without a senior pastor. We have an incredible staff that has filled those shoes to overflowing. And our interim pastor, Billy Compton, has carved a permanent home for he and his wife, Miss Sue Ann, that will leave a void like no other when his "term" is over. Our former pastor, Les Hollon, has been wonderful. He has called me many times and I know is never more than a phone call away. And my Christian friends, absolutely could not have survived without them. The good news is we have "called" a pastor and we are planning a wonderful weekend for his ordination service and his first Sunday to preach. And being Baptists, there must be a party that involves food! With all that has happened in my life, I'm kinda' on the very edge of these happenings but so grateful to a wonderful friend, Denise, for calling me and asking me to help with the reception. She said she would understand if I could not, but sincerely hoped I would. I said yes worrying all the while if I could really do this. I also planned to leave for my cottage in Michigan the day after Dr. Barr's first Sunday.
WOW! Dr. Barr is a big guy! (And that's how I refer to him to this day!) The celebration reception was wonderful. Anything Denise touches is perfect! I had an opportunity to see and speak with so many people. And the Sunday morning service was spoken directly to me. (Wasn't the big guy kind to do that?) It was also a very emotional day for me. I seem to keep leaving precious things behind and I wonder if that's the right thing to do. I've said my goodbyes to my family and now I'm saying goodbye to my friends. I was also blessed to have many lunches with amazing friends prior to leaving. More and more tears. Where are they coming from?
My last night in Louisville and it's filled with emotions. Although I'm going to family (Emily, Brett, Garrett, Grace), I'm leaving family behind. Libby and her 4 (Daniel, Hannah, Isaac, Adam), TR in such raw, exposed pain, my sisters, and my friends. Do I know what I'm doing? NO, but it seems to be the direction God is leading me.
Sleep was not my friend that night and at 6am I hugged Linda (and cried) and headed north.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
My First Move AHCD!
I have met some of the most wonderful people in preparation for this move. Right now, I'm thinking of 3 in particular. At the yard sale I had so many vases collected over the years. One of the last women to visit the yard sale was a volunteer with hospice. She said they always needed vases and what would I take for all of them? Nothing...just take them away. We found boxes and loaded them all into her car and away she went as if we had given her the moon. Another person said their church is in the midst of a fund raiser selling any kind of scrap metal. Could he come back later and buy any metal that was left? Yes, come back at 2pm and consider it our gift to your church! Another happy camper! Now I did need a bit of professional help with the garage and called 1-800-GOT JUNK. Have you ever used them? Oh my gosh!!!! Those are the best people I have ever met. We had 3 refrigerators in our garage, Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear. At sometime HC Baker had stored the remains of some animal in one of the freezers (without telling me anything about it...surprise!) Oh, I forgot to tell you one of his collections was animal skulls. He used them as a teaching tool (?). Our children and grandchildren had taken a cow skull to school to show the teeth used for chewing cud?????? Whatever! Anyway, I told the "Junk" guys there was something unknown in the Mama Bear freezer and I couldn't get it out. I had really tried but it was frozen to the sides. The "Junk" guy went to his truck, came back with a crowbar, popped it out and carried it away. I love that guy! They took the rest of what was left in the garage and then swept out the garage!!!! Can you believe it? Love 'em!
I've made arrangements to have my Louisville household goods stored until I decide where my new home will be. They brought a trailer to my driveway and I will load it and they will come back and take it to storage. We've had the yard sale, the children have taken what they wanted, and I honestly believe I am down to the bare essentials. (One of my first miscalculations!) I have called in the troops - children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, in-laws and out-laws. It's Saturday morning, sun shining and HOT as the dickens. To start the day, we have donuts from everyone's favorite neighborhood bakery. Gotta' make the "deputized" movers happy. By noon, we're not even close to having an empty house. The bare essentials are breeding each time we turn our backs. Pizza for lunch. By 3pm we have the last load in the trailer. TR Baker closes the door and locks it with a padlock I bought. He looks at me and asks if I feel secure with this lock. I tell him I have the only keys and have been assured everything will remain safe. He says you better pray about that. He has no idea I pray about everything every moment of every day.
Everyone has gone now and I am left alone in the house with my vacuum. I always vacuum out the door so the new owners will walk into a relatively clean house. I do my final walk-thru, opening every closet door, cupboard, and drawer. It looks like we got everything so now it's time for me to leave the last home I shared with HC Baker. My cell phone rings and it's Libby (oldest daughter) asking if I've left the house yet. No, not yet. She asks if I want her to come back and be with me. No, I can do this. I take my last look, walk out the door and close it behind me. I closed the door on a piece of real estate, not anything else. The important stuff will always be in my heart!
I've made arrangements to have my Louisville household goods stored until I decide where my new home will be. They brought a trailer to my driveway and I will load it and they will come back and take it to storage. We've had the yard sale, the children have taken what they wanted, and I honestly believe I am down to the bare essentials. (One of my first miscalculations!) I have called in the troops - children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, in-laws and out-laws. It's Saturday morning, sun shining and HOT as the dickens. To start the day, we have donuts from everyone's favorite neighborhood bakery. Gotta' make the "deputized" movers happy. By noon, we're not even close to having an empty house. The bare essentials are breeding each time we turn our backs. Pizza for lunch. By 3pm we have the last load in the trailer. TR Baker closes the door and locks it with a padlock I bought. He looks at me and asks if I feel secure with this lock. I tell him I have the only keys and have been assured everything will remain safe. He says you better pray about that. He has no idea I pray about everything every moment of every day.
Everyone has gone now and I am left alone in the house with my vacuum. I always vacuum out the door so the new owners will walk into a relatively clean house. I do my final walk-thru, opening every closet door, cupboard, and drawer. It looks like we got everything so now it's time for me to leave the last home I shared with HC Baker. My cell phone rings and it's Libby (oldest daughter) asking if I've left the house yet. No, not yet. She asks if I want her to come back and be with me. No, I can do this. I take my last look, walk out the door and close it behind me. I closed the door on a piece of real estate, not anything else. The important stuff will always be in my heart!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
August 1, 2010
Today would have been my 36th wedding anniversary. I didn't know when I went to bed last night what today would feel like. Well, it's here.
I feel sad. Sad for all the times we will miss together. Sad for the time wasted when we would have our little (sometimes big) disagreements. Sad for not choosing to do the things we wanted to do when we wanted to do them, like going to Venice (my biggest desire), like selling our house and living on a houseboat (HC's biggest desire), like retiring, buying an RV and traveling across the country stopping when and where we wanted to, like letting the stress of work rule our lives. Can you relate?
I feel lonely. I hope your significant other is your best friend. HC was mine. We started as best friends when we went to high school together. When we fell in love and married, we didn't always agree on things, but when I needed someone for any reason, he was the person I would call. And he would come immediately. He was the person I would talk to and say anything. He would never judge me or make fun of my thoughts or ideas. Together we could even be silent (and that's saying something about both of us!). Can you relate?
I feel angry. Why in the world would he not wear a seat belt? The kids and I used to nag him about it (not good) hoping we could shame him into it! Didn't happen. I'm angry because I have to clean up all these messes he left behind. (I'm having a pity party at the same time, can you tell?) All these collections of his. Remember - he collected lots of things but didn't organize any of them. Do you know at one time he had 528 cookie jars? Where do you put 528 cookie jars? Fortunately we did sell that collection before he died. But he still had stamps, coins, yo-yo's, flashlights, pens, wooden boxes, and more. He and TR Baker shared collections of baseball cards, the original Star Wars figures, GI Joe stuff, match-box cars and on and on. TR Baker did take those shared collections to his house. (Funny - now he and I are sharing a home again and guess what. That stuff's all back!!!!!!) Can you relate?
I feel happy. HC is with the Lord and healthy. He and Lady are fishing and hunting and enjoying nature at it's best as you can imagine! The last 2 years of HC's life were hard. His health problems got worse and worse. He was very frustrated. He would never again be able to go to a disaster area and work with the Kentucky Baptist Convention's mobile kitchen. He loved that. He would never again participate in a Habitat for Humanity re-build like he did in India after the tsunami. In 2009 he spent 5 weeks at Baptist East Hospital in Louisville and then was air-ambulanced to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MI., where we spent another 4 weeks. That's a lot of hospital time. Can you relate?
I feel relieved. I won't have to experience this first anniversary after he died again.
I feel sad. Sad for all the times we will miss together. Sad for the time wasted when we would have our little (sometimes big) disagreements. Sad for not choosing to do the things we wanted to do when we wanted to do them, like going to Venice (my biggest desire), like selling our house and living on a houseboat (HC's biggest desire), like retiring, buying an RV and traveling across the country stopping when and where we wanted to, like letting the stress of work rule our lives. Can you relate?
I feel lonely. I hope your significant other is your best friend. HC was mine. We started as best friends when we went to high school together. When we fell in love and married, we didn't always agree on things, but when I needed someone for any reason, he was the person I would call. And he would come immediately. He was the person I would talk to and say anything. He would never judge me or make fun of my thoughts or ideas. Together we could even be silent (and that's saying something about both of us!). Can you relate?
I feel angry. Why in the world would he not wear a seat belt? The kids and I used to nag him about it (not good) hoping we could shame him into it! Didn't happen. I'm angry because I have to clean up all these messes he left behind. (I'm having a pity party at the same time, can you tell?) All these collections of his. Remember - he collected lots of things but didn't organize any of them. Do you know at one time he had 528 cookie jars? Where do you put 528 cookie jars? Fortunately we did sell that collection before he died. But he still had stamps, coins, yo-yo's, flashlights, pens, wooden boxes, and more. He and TR Baker shared collections of baseball cards, the original Star Wars figures, GI Joe stuff, match-box cars and on and on. TR Baker did take those shared collections to his house. (Funny - now he and I are sharing a home again and guess what. That stuff's all back!!!!!!) Can you relate?
I feel happy. HC is with the Lord and healthy. He and Lady are fishing and hunting and enjoying nature at it's best as you can imagine! The last 2 years of HC's life were hard. His health problems got worse and worse. He was very frustrated. He would never again be able to go to a disaster area and work with the Kentucky Baptist Convention's mobile kitchen. He loved that. He would never again participate in a Habitat for Humanity re-build like he did in India after the tsunami. In 2009 he spent 5 weeks at Baptist East Hospital in Louisville and then was air-ambulanced to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MI., where we spent another 4 weeks. That's a lot of hospital time. Can you relate?
I feel relieved. I won't have to experience this first anniversary after he died again.
Friday, November 11, 2011
What am I doing?
It's been 7 weeks since HC Baker died. Bagged and tagged, sold the 3rd Street house, yard "sailed", sold the Barrington Court house, mailed what seems like thousands of death certificates and I must be honest and tell you I've also screamed over the telephone at people I don't know and told them they were stupid...and then hung up! HOW'S THAT?
Funny story...
LG&E seems to be particularly stupid. They have questions about the death certificate!!!! (Like I forged it, it's for somebody else, I made it up, or maybe this is all a joke? Are my expectations set so high?) And just for my own entertainment, I write down everything about these phone calls I make, dates, times, name of person I speak with and what they say. I also note how many times I am transferred and how long I am on hold (a staggering amount of time!!!). After 8 phone calls and as many people over several days, I pack a lunch for 2, take all my papers in a rather large box and drive down to the main LG&E office on West Broadway. I stand in line for 28 minutes and finally am called to speak with a person (?). And none of these little offices are private, they're more like cubby holes! I walk up to this person (?) and drop the box on their desk. I open the lunch bag, produce 2 sandwiches and sodas and tell her I'm not leaving until she has this figured out. Everyone behind me in line heard every word I said and they applauded!!!! And then I took a bow!!!! Do you think I have their attention now? While this person (?) searched her computer to verify my notes, I ate my lunch. I had barely taken the last bite when I was told the matter was settled and I would not hear from them again. I said thank you and left! (Left the 2nd lunch too!)
All of my children and grandchildren and sisters and friends have been so kind and patient with me. I know many of them have got to be so sick of me. I feel like the weakest, dumbest person in the world. How did I live in such blissful ignorance for so many years? And what was HC thinking to not tell me where stuff is and teach me how to do stuff? I am so angry with him. It's a good thing he's dead or we'd be having an argument! (Did I just say that?) In this stage of my life I think and say a lot of things I probably shouldn't.
Here's where I am now. I'm very nearly homeless so what shall I do? We (HC and me - how long do I continue to say "we"?) only have one place left and it's really my favorite, our (?) little blue cottage in northern Michigan. I do love it there, but then again I've never "wintered" there! There's a closing date set for the Barrington Court house so I've got to get out.
One thing HC Baker and I NEVER agreed on was making decisions. HC would absolutely wear an idea (and me) out before he would decide what to do. He would research, ask everyone who might have had experience with whatever he was considering, think, think and think some more. Ask me to make a decision and give me 5 seconds! Done! The question currently before me is where am I going to live? I have 2 choices, buy another place or go to the cottage. And since I'm not real sure who I am and what I'm supposed to do, I figure I'd best not mix another unknown into this recipe so I'm going to Michigan. Now I just have to tell everyone. That will be the hard part.
Funny story...
LG&E seems to be particularly stupid. They have questions about the death certificate!!!! (Like I forged it, it's for somebody else, I made it up, or maybe this is all a joke? Are my expectations set so high?) And just for my own entertainment, I write down everything about these phone calls I make, dates, times, name of person I speak with and what they say. I also note how many times I am transferred and how long I am on hold (a staggering amount of time!!!). After 8 phone calls and as many people over several days, I pack a lunch for 2, take all my papers in a rather large box and drive down to the main LG&E office on West Broadway. I stand in line for 28 minutes and finally am called to speak with a person (?). And none of these little offices are private, they're more like cubby holes! I walk up to this person (?) and drop the box on their desk. I open the lunch bag, produce 2 sandwiches and sodas and tell her I'm not leaving until she has this figured out. Everyone behind me in line heard every word I said and they applauded!!!! And then I took a bow!!!! Do you think I have their attention now? While this person (?) searched her computer to verify my notes, I ate my lunch. I had barely taken the last bite when I was told the matter was settled and I would not hear from them again. I said thank you and left! (Left the 2nd lunch too!)
All of my children and grandchildren and sisters and friends have been so kind and patient with me. I know many of them have got to be so sick of me. I feel like the weakest, dumbest person in the world. How did I live in such blissful ignorance for so many years? And what was HC thinking to not tell me where stuff is and teach me how to do stuff? I am so angry with him. It's a good thing he's dead or we'd be having an argument! (Did I just say that?) In this stage of my life I think and say a lot of things I probably shouldn't.
Here's where I am now. I'm very nearly homeless so what shall I do? We (HC and me - how long do I continue to say "we"?) only have one place left and it's really my favorite, our (?) little blue cottage in northern Michigan. I do love it there, but then again I've never "wintered" there! There's a closing date set for the Barrington Court house so I've got to get out.
One thing HC Baker and I NEVER agreed on was making decisions. HC would absolutely wear an idea (and me) out before he would decide what to do. He would research, ask everyone who might have had experience with whatever he was considering, think, think and think some more. Ask me to make a decision and give me 5 seconds! Done! The question currently before me is where am I going to live? I have 2 choices, buy another place or go to the cottage. And since I'm not real sure who I am and what I'm supposed to do, I figure I'd best not mix another unknown into this recipe so I'm going to Michigan. Now I just have to tell everyone. That will be the hard part.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Yard Sale!
Let me update you on my sister Linda. The day of HC's visitation, she was admitted to the hospital due to complications involved with her recent cancer diagnosis. She is back home now and has begun chemo treatments that will last until Christmas. She is one very sick person but is already responding to the treatments. Summer of 2010 is not one we'll remember fondly. But our family is strong and trusts that our Lord is right there with us.
Oh my goodness. The house feels so much better with Emily, Garrett and Grace in it! Remember I said earlier HC Baker and I had already discussed selling our home. Since his illness, he's just not able to keep the yard and quite honestly, doesn't really want to. It was time to "condo-ize"! Now that he's dead, I still want to sell this house, but first we've got to get rid of all that "stuff" inside. It took all week but by Friday Emily had everything organized! Grace and Garrett worked so hard and they were exhausted. It was also the hottest week of the summer and the humidity was horrible. Coming from northern Michigan, they were just not use to that kind of heat. We had our signs to post in the neighborhood, there was an ad in the newspaper, I had change, we had plenty of food and beverages, prices were "fixed"(right), and we were ready.
Naturally, Saturday morning beginning around 6am, it started to rain. However by 9am the rain was gone leaving in its' wake incredible heat and humidity. The sale was going gangbusters! It took all of us to keep up with it. Around noon, someone grabbed my arm and asked if I owned the house. I said yes and he said he wanted to buy the house. I looked at him and said I was in the middle of a yard sale and couldn't talk to him about that. I told him to leave me his phone number and I would call him next week. The yard sale continued and we sold nearly everything. I had a dumpster coming Monday for the remains and then we could get the house ready to sell. All the children and grandchildren came to help, and a wonderful surprise was my sister Mary bringing my sister Linda over to see the "circus"! She didn't stay long but we were all so glad to see her up, walking, and not in horrific pain. So many friends stopped by wanting something of HC Baker's. Each time they found their desire and came to pay, we gave it to them. If they wanted something of HC's, we certainly wanted them to have it. Many of his prized possessions found perfect new homes that day.
After the sale was over, we all went inside to cool off and sit down. I had done a quick count of the proceeds and had a delightful time splitting the money between all the helpers. They deserved it. We all survived.
We were looking forward to a quiet Sunday and rest! Emily and Garrett and Grace were going to the mall. Grace especially was very excited! Shopping, yes, she is my granddaughter!!!!
I was left home alone and in the early afternoon, the phone rang. When I answered it, it was the man from the yard sale asking if he could bring his wife to see the house. Holy Cow! I just had a yard sale and the inside and outside of the house were disasters. They didn't care, so I said come on over. What do I do? The house was not listed, was not clean, was not priced...WAS NOT PRICED????? I had to think and think fast. I knew what a few houses in the neighborhood had sold for in the past year, and I knew what I wanted to realize out of the sale. So in flash, I established a price. That was easy! HC is looking down on me and pulling out whatever hair he had left. Doorbell rings and I am face to face with this couple. I show them the house. I'm thinking now they'll leave. He asked if we could talk. He told me he would buy the house "as is" for "x" amount. So I said he could have the house "as is" for "this" amount. He said OK! Holy Cow...again!!!! It happened that he was a real estate broker and brought a contract with him. (Am I doing something wrong here?) He wants to complete the contract, give me a deposit, and set the closing date. I held up my hands and said wait a minute. Can I have a few moments alone to think about this? He said of course so I went out back and what's the first thing I see? My cardinal was sitting on that low branch waiting for me. I took about 5 minutes and talked it over with my cardinal, went back in the house and signed the papers. It was meant to be.
Now what do I do?
Oh my goodness. The house feels so much better with Emily, Garrett and Grace in it! Remember I said earlier HC Baker and I had already discussed selling our home. Since his illness, he's just not able to keep the yard and quite honestly, doesn't really want to. It was time to "condo-ize"! Now that he's dead, I still want to sell this house, but first we've got to get rid of all that "stuff" inside. It took all week but by Friday Emily had everything organized! Grace and Garrett worked so hard and they were exhausted. It was also the hottest week of the summer and the humidity was horrible. Coming from northern Michigan, they were just not use to that kind of heat. We had our signs to post in the neighborhood, there was an ad in the newspaper, I had change, we had plenty of food and beverages, prices were "fixed"(right), and we were ready.
Naturally, Saturday morning beginning around 6am, it started to rain. However by 9am the rain was gone leaving in its' wake incredible heat and humidity. The sale was going gangbusters! It took all of us to keep up with it. Around noon, someone grabbed my arm and asked if I owned the house. I said yes and he said he wanted to buy the house. I looked at him and said I was in the middle of a yard sale and couldn't talk to him about that. I told him to leave me his phone number and I would call him next week. The yard sale continued and we sold nearly everything. I had a dumpster coming Monday for the remains and then we could get the house ready to sell. All the children and grandchildren came to help, and a wonderful surprise was my sister Mary bringing my sister Linda over to see the "circus"! She didn't stay long but we were all so glad to see her up, walking, and not in horrific pain. So many friends stopped by wanting something of HC Baker's. Each time they found their desire and came to pay, we gave it to them. If they wanted something of HC's, we certainly wanted them to have it. Many of his prized possessions found perfect new homes that day.
After the sale was over, we all went inside to cool off and sit down. I had done a quick count of the proceeds and had a delightful time splitting the money between all the helpers. They deserved it. We all survived.
We were looking forward to a quiet Sunday and rest! Emily and Garrett and Grace were going to the mall. Grace especially was very excited! Shopping, yes, she is my granddaughter!!!!
I was left home alone and in the early afternoon, the phone rang. When I answered it, it was the man from the yard sale asking if he could bring his wife to see the house. Holy Cow! I just had a yard sale and the inside and outside of the house were disasters. They didn't care, so I said come on over. What do I do? The house was not listed, was not clean, was not priced...WAS NOT PRICED????? I had to think and think fast. I knew what a few houses in the neighborhood had sold for in the past year, and I knew what I wanted to realize out of the sale. So in flash, I established a price. That was easy! HC is looking down on me and pulling out whatever hair he had left. Doorbell rings and I am face to face with this couple. I show them the house. I'm thinking now they'll leave. He asked if we could talk. He told me he would buy the house "as is" for "x" amount. So I said he could have the house "as is" for "this" amount. He said OK! Holy Cow...again!!!! It happened that he was a real estate broker and brought a contract with him. (Am I doing something wrong here?) He wants to complete the contract, give me a deposit, and set the closing date. I held up my hands and said wait a minute. Can I have a few moments alone to think about this? He said of course so I went out back and what's the first thing I see? My cardinal was sitting on that low branch waiting for me. I took about 5 minutes and talked it over with my cardinal, went back in the house and signed the papers. It was meant to be.
Now what do I do?
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Get 'er done!
OK. Today is the day I'm going to focus on the WILL! About a year prior to HC's death, his mother died. He was the executor of her estate and was working with an attorney friend of ours on that so I called him. I do know that HC's mother's estate was not closed so there was another problem to be solved. I made an appointment to speak with the attorney and he assured me he would help me solve these problems.
I took everything I had that I thought would relate and met with him. First of all, he had to go to court and appoint another executor of June's estate and get that done before we could proceed with HC's death. Great! There were several problems with his mother's estate that I was already aware of. HC has a brother and sister and in all the years of our marriage, it seemed as if he was always the referee in family matters. Now remember, he was a control freak and that didn't help. So conversations had to take place with his brother and sister to finalize that mess. But we did begin conversation about my mess! You had to do this and then this and then that and then...oh my! Thank God, all those trips to court did not need me. Now the other part of this was while we were waiting for all that to happen, the attorney told me since I couldn't find the will, I needed to have a new will for ME created so my children would not have to experience the same frustrations I was experiencing. WHEW! My new will came first. All of the parts of a will were explained to me and I agreed with everything. Next question - who would be the executor of my estate? I hate this stuff. The good news was I could appoint a "trust" company to do just that. Upon my death, the "trust" company would administer my estate. They would keep a very small percentage as their payment. Sounds perfect and I agreed. Now, none of my children will be burdened with any problems that might occur. Also, my will is in a very easy to find location that I have shown to all my children. The pages inside the binder are very "legal" language so I have handwritten specifics about life insurance companies, amounts of benefits, account numbers, documents about my home and personal belongings and put it all inside the binder. I feel good about that. Now I just have to wait for HC's mother's estate to finalize and then appoint me executor of his estate, then finalize his estate. Good Grief. Remember what I said about this dyin' stuff!
Emily and the children are due back tomorrow to spend a week getting ready for the yard sale to get rid of the rest of the "stuff"! I am eager to see them and get some noise back in the house!
I took everything I had that I thought would relate and met with him. First of all, he had to go to court and appoint another executor of June's estate and get that done before we could proceed with HC's death. Great! There were several problems with his mother's estate that I was already aware of. HC has a brother and sister and in all the years of our marriage, it seemed as if he was always the referee in family matters. Now remember, he was a control freak and that didn't help. So conversations had to take place with his brother and sister to finalize that mess. But we did begin conversation about my mess! You had to do this and then this and then that and then...oh my! Thank God, all those trips to court did not need me. Now the other part of this was while we were waiting for all that to happen, the attorney told me since I couldn't find the will, I needed to have a new will for ME created so my children would not have to experience the same frustrations I was experiencing. WHEW! My new will came first. All of the parts of a will were explained to me and I agreed with everything. Next question - who would be the executor of my estate? I hate this stuff. The good news was I could appoint a "trust" company to do just that. Upon my death, the "trust" company would administer my estate. They would keep a very small percentage as their payment. Sounds perfect and I agreed. Now, none of my children will be burdened with any problems that might occur. Also, my will is in a very easy to find location that I have shown to all my children. The pages inside the binder are very "legal" language so I have handwritten specifics about life insurance companies, amounts of benefits, account numbers, documents about my home and personal belongings and put it all inside the binder. I feel good about that. Now I just have to wait for HC's mother's estate to finalize and then appoint me executor of his estate, then finalize his estate. Good Grief. Remember what I said about this dyin' stuff!
Emily and the children are due back tomorrow to spend a week getting ready for the yard sale to get rid of the rest of the "stuff"! I am eager to see them and get some noise back in the house!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
So Much Stuff!
Several weeks have passed and...
We've bagged and tagged so much stuff and part of it is on the front porch for pick-up. Called all those agencies who called me over the years and they are coming. It will take a few weeks but this part of the "de-clutterig" is on its' way.
Yesterday, Emily and the children went back to MI for a few weeks. I'm alone in the house for the first time since HC Baker and Lady died. I do still have my cardinal close by so I don't feel alone. But I do feel alone. So many times I think of something or hear of something or a bit of news and want to tell HC about it. I'm back at work and that does fill my days but not my nights. The TV's on for noise. I can't focus enough to read and wonder what I'm supposed to do. That's my biggest question, what do I do, who am I, where am I supposed to be? (I can tell you it's been almost 17 months and I still ask myself those questions. One day at a time!)
Here's funny story...
It's amazing what you receive in the mail after your spouse dies. I received a letter (form of course) from the Social Security Administration informing me I was entitled to a death benefit. I needed to call their number, make an appointment and they would tell me about it. I did. Have you ever been to the social security office? I was expecting a lot of old people but saw a room full of young people with small children. Why are they there? (This was the beginning of my education!!!!) After signing in, I found a chair and began my wait. (I did make an appointment!) Finally my name was called and I was told to go to window 8. In the waiting area I only saw windows 1-3. Where was 8? The security guard (why do we need a security guard at the social security office?) told me to go through the door and follow the numbers. OK. I found window 8 and there is a young man on the other side of the counter and his name plate says Mr. Moon. I thought that was an interesting name so I asked him about his heritage. With a TOTALLY blank expression, he told me he was American! So much for that! Anyway, he told me since my husband died I could receive this ONE TIME death benefit. When I die, my children will not be able to receive another BENEFIT for me. This benefit was established by congress many years ago to help defer funeral expenses. OK, I'm excited. How much is this one time benefit? Blank expression again, eyes focused down, $255. It took me a few seconds to process this and then I burst out laughing. His blank expression turned into a glare. I told him, "I've bought shoes that cost more than that!" $255 pays for NOTHING related to a death and funeral. I asked him if this was a joke? Glare again! He gave me papers to sign and I left absolutely giddy with the prospect of $255. I can now retire!
Each day the mailperson delivers bills all addressed to HC Baker. Before Emily left, she set up a system for recording and paying the bills. Oh wow! And for each bill, I make a call to tell them HC Baker is dead. Double oh wow! The recording says to say anything and they will connect me. I have said "SPEAK TO A BREATHING PERSON" at least 10 times per call. Finally I am connected to a breathing person (sort of in some cases) and begin my speech. EVERY response is the same. "We need proof of your husband's death." Do women around the world make these calls for fun? Do these companies have a history of accepting women's word only to discover it was a lie? Hence the death certificates. I mail 'em and they record 'em! Some need original and others will accept a copy. They're very specific about how it must be! I honestly believe some of these companies have a training class called "How to piss off (excuse me) a surviving spouse"! I can do this!
I have once again searched through all of HC's files, papers, books, truck, basement, garage to no avail. NO WILL TO BE FOUND! Tomorrow I've got to do something about this. As difficult as life can be sometimes, I swear dyin' or survivin' ain't for the faint of heart!
We've bagged and tagged so much stuff and part of it is on the front porch for pick-up. Called all those agencies who called me over the years and they are coming. It will take a few weeks but this part of the "de-clutterig" is on its' way.
Yesterday, Emily and the children went back to MI for a few weeks. I'm alone in the house for the first time since HC Baker and Lady died. I do still have my cardinal close by so I don't feel alone. But I do feel alone. So many times I think of something or hear of something or a bit of news and want to tell HC about it. I'm back at work and that does fill my days but not my nights. The TV's on for noise. I can't focus enough to read and wonder what I'm supposed to do. That's my biggest question, what do I do, who am I, where am I supposed to be? (I can tell you it's been almost 17 months and I still ask myself those questions. One day at a time!)
Here's funny story...
It's amazing what you receive in the mail after your spouse dies. I received a letter (form of course) from the Social Security Administration informing me I was entitled to a death benefit. I needed to call their number, make an appointment and they would tell me about it. I did. Have you ever been to the social security office? I was expecting a lot of old people but saw a room full of young people with small children. Why are they there? (This was the beginning of my education!!!!) After signing in, I found a chair and began my wait. (I did make an appointment!) Finally my name was called and I was told to go to window 8. In the waiting area I only saw windows 1-3. Where was 8? The security guard (why do we need a security guard at the social security office?) told me to go through the door and follow the numbers. OK. I found window 8 and there is a young man on the other side of the counter and his name plate says Mr. Moon. I thought that was an interesting name so I asked him about his heritage. With a TOTALLY blank expression, he told me he was American! So much for that! Anyway, he told me since my husband died I could receive this ONE TIME death benefit. When I die, my children will not be able to receive another BENEFIT for me. This benefit was established by congress many years ago to help defer funeral expenses. OK, I'm excited. How much is this one time benefit? Blank expression again, eyes focused down, $255. It took me a few seconds to process this and then I burst out laughing. His blank expression turned into a glare. I told him, "I've bought shoes that cost more than that!" $255 pays for NOTHING related to a death and funeral. I asked him if this was a joke? Glare again! He gave me papers to sign and I left absolutely giddy with the prospect of $255. I can now retire!
Each day the mailperson delivers bills all addressed to HC Baker. Before Emily left, she set up a system for recording and paying the bills. Oh wow! And for each bill, I make a call to tell them HC Baker is dead. Double oh wow! The recording says to say anything and they will connect me. I have said "SPEAK TO A BREATHING PERSON" at least 10 times per call. Finally I am connected to a breathing person (sort of in some cases) and begin my speech. EVERY response is the same. "We need proof of your husband's death." Do women around the world make these calls for fun? Do these companies have a history of accepting women's word only to discover it was a lie? Hence the death certificates. I mail 'em and they record 'em! Some need original and others will accept a copy. They're very specific about how it must be! I honestly believe some of these companies have a training class called "How to piss off (excuse me) a surviving spouse"! I can do this!
I have once again searched through all of HC's files, papers, books, truck, basement, garage to no avail. NO WILL TO BE FOUND! Tomorrow I've got to do something about this. As difficult as life can be sometimes, I swear dyin' or survivin' ain't for the faint of heart!
Monday, November 7, 2011
The Hard Work Begins!
Everyone is trying to get back to their regular routine today. Brett left to return to MI, TR and Libby returned to work and Emily, the math teacher, is off for the summer so she and the children are staying in Louisville for a few more weeks. I am blessed!
NOTE: Prior to HC dying, I had NEVER written a check, NEVER used an ATM, NEVER paid a bill, NEVER knew how much money we had or where it was. I led a wonderful, charmed life. I had a credit card I used all the time. NEVER knew what the balance or limit was and didn't care. If I needed cash, I went to the bank of HC. He always had cash in his pocket so he would give me whatever I asked for. Now don't think I was a total idiot. I knew how much to spend on whatever and knew when I needed to discuss a purchase with HC. (However, I did put our first house on the market when he left town and sold it in 3 days. That was an interesting phone call!!!)
We begin the serious work of going through all HC's "stuff"! He was a collector of many things but not an organizer of anything! He was the perfect candidate for the TV show, "Hoarders", and only because of me did his "stuff" not take over our entire home. Now that he's dead, I'm in charge and all that "stuff" is gettin' gone! I didn't realize he had so many closets and so many hidden shelves in the garage and the basement. Oh my gosh! And I had to be sensitive to the children and grandchildren because they might want some of this. I put the word out and told them they had one week to choose what they wanted.
After HC's illness, he and I had decided we were going to sell our home. It was just too much to take care of. We also had one rental property left and that needed to go too. That was our plan and now he's gone and I have to deal with it! I had to get the house de-cluttered (HGTV term) so I could get it on the market. The rental house was going to require a more creative plan. Since the house was just a block from U of L, I decided I would call them. After I got bounced around a few times, I finally found the right person. A lovely woman told me they were on a 5-year plan to start buying properties. I told her I was on a 5-month plan. Hard to believe but 2 months later, the University bought the house. If you go to the address today, they house is completely gone. They tore it down! Works for me and I don't have to worry about it anymore. I need to tell you during those first few weeks of "de-cluttering" and trying to sell the rental property, I was so angry with HC Baker. How could he leave me with all this to do? I would get so angry, I thought if he were still alive, I would kill him!!!!!
Emily and the children went home to MI with the decision made to return the last week of July to prepare for a yard sale. Emily had gone through everything in the house. We threw out a ton of stuff, bagged and donated a ton of stuff, and started dragging stuff up from the basement to include in the yard sale. Right now the garage was just too scary to even consider touching. She would tackle that on her return trip. What in the world would I have done without her and Garrett and Grace?
Of all the things we found during the "big clean", one thing we did not find was a copy of our will. It had to be somewhere. I called several of our attorney friends to ask if they had handled it. None of them knew anything about it. I remember signing it. Where is it?
I've got to do something about this, but just don't know what. Angry with HC again! Too much stress. Search the house, sell the house, find the will, sell the rental house, sell HC's truck, find the will, stop crying, get some sleep, find the will, and on and on. PRAYING BIG TIME! Where to turn?
NOTE: Prior to HC dying, I had NEVER written a check, NEVER used an ATM, NEVER paid a bill, NEVER knew how much money we had or where it was. I led a wonderful, charmed life. I had a credit card I used all the time. NEVER knew what the balance or limit was and didn't care. If I needed cash, I went to the bank of HC. He always had cash in his pocket so he would give me whatever I asked for. Now don't think I was a total idiot. I knew how much to spend on whatever and knew when I needed to discuss a purchase with HC. (However, I did put our first house on the market when he left town and sold it in 3 days. That was an interesting phone call!!!)
We begin the serious work of going through all HC's "stuff"! He was a collector of many things but not an organizer of anything! He was the perfect candidate for the TV show, "Hoarders", and only because of me did his "stuff" not take over our entire home. Now that he's dead, I'm in charge and all that "stuff" is gettin' gone! I didn't realize he had so many closets and so many hidden shelves in the garage and the basement. Oh my gosh! And I had to be sensitive to the children and grandchildren because they might want some of this. I put the word out and told them they had one week to choose what they wanted.
After HC's illness, he and I had decided we were going to sell our home. It was just too much to take care of. We also had one rental property left and that needed to go too. That was our plan and now he's gone and I have to deal with it! I had to get the house de-cluttered (HGTV term) so I could get it on the market. The rental house was going to require a more creative plan. Since the house was just a block from U of L, I decided I would call them. After I got bounced around a few times, I finally found the right person. A lovely woman told me they were on a 5-year plan to start buying properties. I told her I was on a 5-month plan. Hard to believe but 2 months later, the University bought the house. If you go to the address today, they house is completely gone. They tore it down! Works for me and I don't have to worry about it anymore. I need to tell you during those first few weeks of "de-cluttering" and trying to sell the rental property, I was so angry with HC Baker. How could he leave me with all this to do? I would get so angry, I thought if he were still alive, I would kill him!!!!!
Emily and the children went home to MI with the decision made to return the last week of July to prepare for a yard sale. Emily had gone through everything in the house. We threw out a ton of stuff, bagged and donated a ton of stuff, and started dragging stuff up from the basement to include in the yard sale. Right now the garage was just too scary to even consider touching. She would tackle that on her return trip. What in the world would I have done without her and Garrett and Grace?
Of all the things we found during the "big clean", one thing we did not find was a copy of our will. It had to be somewhere. I called several of our attorney friends to ask if they had handled it. None of them knew anything about it. I remember signing it. Where is it?
I've got to do something about this, but just don't know what. Angry with HC again! Too much stress. Search the house, sell the house, find the will, sell the rental house, sell HC's truck, find the will, stop crying, get some sleep, find the will, and on and on. PRAYING BIG TIME! Where to turn?
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Memorial Service - 10am
I collect ladies handkerchiefs. I collect them to give away. I love to give a beautiful hankie to a bride or to a young woman who maybe doesn't own a hankie. HC had tons of handkerchiefs. Not to give away but to keep in a drawer forever! I decided to wash and iron a handkerchief for my daughters and granddaughters and son, son-in-law, grandsons, and all the men participating in the service. It took me a while but I got it done, got myself ready, and left home for the church. Time had gotten away from me so when we pulled up to the church doors, Joyce was waiting for all of us to get this show on the road. HC would be proved right as I was nearly late to his funeral!
We had a short meeting so every one would know what was to happen. I gave away all my handkerchiefs and still often hear from the participants how much they love having and HC Baker handkerchief.
It's time. Grace, who was the keeper of the ashes, led the way and we all followed. Big crowd and I was still seeing friends I had not seen in some time. I saw their faces as I walked down the aisle. We were all smiling but our eyes were shiny with tears. Our hearts were sad.
I remember every second of the service but I'll share just of few of my special moments.
The men who spoke - They were all such special friends of HC's. They loved each other.
Mike, his favorite cousin (and his only cousin) struggling for control.
Daniel, our oldest grandson - so proud of him.
TR Baker - this was hard. He was in such pain yet shared "old" pain and regret thinking his Dad didn't realize he loved him. No so but that's where TR was at that moment. He was so brave.
Listening to Keith Powell and Mary Shearer (my sister) filling the church with their beautiful voices singing special songs.
Congregational singing of "It is Well with my Soul" - This was HC Baker's favorite hymn, one that he held in his heart all through his illness and told everyone if he died...It is well with my soul. Prior to singing this hymn, Tim Galyon recalled the afternoon in HC's hospital room at Baptist East waiting for the med-evac plane to transport us to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. What a difficult day that was. HC was the one who led the prayer and told everyone assembled there (a large crowd for a hospital room) it was well with his soul. Tim and I both met each others eyes and had our own struggle.
It's over! Time to leave and enjoy an HC Baker Pizza Lunch. Again, I wanted to make sure I greeted each guest so I walked out of the sanctuary behind Grace and Gran's ashes but returned to touch more hands. So many friends. Joyce took me by the arm and led me downstairs to the party! And that it was. So much food. I finally asked Jim Ryan to find Mark from Clifton Pizza and bring him to me. Next thing I knew, Mark was standing in front of me. "Thank you" does not even come close to telling him what he meant to HC Baker. We had a few words and a hug, so many hugs. I have no idea how many people were there but I do know it was A LOT! One regret I have is I didn't go into the kitchen to thank those who were working so hard to keep the buffet tables full. I'm sorry for that. And a very special place in my heart that day was for my dear friend Madeline Greib. In the past 24 hours my sister Linda had become so ill and in such pain, she was admitted to the hospital. I had called Madeline and told her (to all of her friends, Madeline is the boss of Baptist East Hospital). Madeline went to Linda's room that morning and sat with her during the time of the memorial service. I love you Madeline. Another person deserving a special thank you was Amy Torstrick (she's married and I don't know her married name but she is the daughter of good friends at church and I watched Amy grow up). Amy and her Mother became the child-care workers during the service. It wasn't planned but it happened because they saw a need. These are the kind of friends HC and I are blessed with. Totally Blessed.
I have no idea what time I got home that afternoon. What I do know is even with a house full of people, it was very quiet. I had thought how wonderful it would be to take a nap - sleep had been absent from my life for some days. I tried and tried but mind was back on the ferris wheel. What happens next?
We had a short meeting so every one would know what was to happen. I gave away all my handkerchiefs and still often hear from the participants how much they love having and HC Baker handkerchief.
It's time. Grace, who was the keeper of the ashes, led the way and we all followed. Big crowd and I was still seeing friends I had not seen in some time. I saw their faces as I walked down the aisle. We were all smiling but our eyes were shiny with tears. Our hearts were sad.
I remember every second of the service but I'll share just of few of my special moments.
The men who spoke - They were all such special friends of HC's. They loved each other.
Mike, his favorite cousin (and his only cousin) struggling for control.
Daniel, our oldest grandson - so proud of him.
TR Baker - this was hard. He was in such pain yet shared "old" pain and regret thinking his Dad didn't realize he loved him. No so but that's where TR was at that moment. He was so brave.
Listening to Keith Powell and Mary Shearer (my sister) filling the church with their beautiful voices singing special songs.
Congregational singing of "It is Well with my Soul" - This was HC Baker's favorite hymn, one that he held in his heart all through his illness and told everyone if he died...It is well with my soul. Prior to singing this hymn, Tim Galyon recalled the afternoon in HC's hospital room at Baptist East waiting for the med-evac plane to transport us to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. What a difficult day that was. HC was the one who led the prayer and told everyone assembled there (a large crowd for a hospital room) it was well with his soul. Tim and I both met each others eyes and had our own struggle.
It's over! Time to leave and enjoy an HC Baker Pizza Lunch. Again, I wanted to make sure I greeted each guest so I walked out of the sanctuary behind Grace and Gran's ashes but returned to touch more hands. So many friends. Joyce took me by the arm and led me downstairs to the party! And that it was. So much food. I finally asked Jim Ryan to find Mark from Clifton Pizza and bring him to me. Next thing I knew, Mark was standing in front of me. "Thank you" does not even come close to telling him what he meant to HC Baker. We had a few words and a hug, so many hugs. I have no idea how many people were there but I do know it was A LOT! One regret I have is I didn't go into the kitchen to thank those who were working so hard to keep the buffet tables full. I'm sorry for that. And a very special place in my heart that day was for my dear friend Madeline Greib. In the past 24 hours my sister Linda had become so ill and in such pain, she was admitted to the hospital. I had called Madeline and told her (to all of her friends, Madeline is the boss of Baptist East Hospital). Madeline went to Linda's room that morning and sat with her during the time of the memorial service. I love you Madeline. Another person deserving a special thank you was Amy Torstrick (she's married and I don't know her married name but she is the daughter of good friends at church and I watched Amy grow up). Amy and her Mother became the child-care workers during the service. It wasn't planned but it happened because they saw a need. These are the kind of friends HC and I are blessed with. Totally Blessed.
I have no idea what time I got home that afternoon. What I do know is even with a house full of people, it was very quiet. I had thought how wonderful it would be to take a nap - sleep had been absent from my life for some days. I tried and tried but mind was back on the ferris wheel. What happens next?
Friday, November 4, 2011
Friday 5-8pm
Let me first sincerely thank each of you for your prayers, love and support. I've been writing this since HC Baker died but just couldn't find the beginning or end of my thoughts. Creating this "blog" and taking it day by day has made it easier for me. Once I get through the first week of this journey, I will be talking about some of the life changes that happen when a spouse dies...at least how they changed my life. Some of the changes were like explosions causing me to close my eyes and cover my ears while others just sort of relaxed within me like a new pair of shoes worn several times!
Speaking of shoes...
My closest, dearest cousin, Mike from Nashville, TN, was not going to be able to come to the service on Saturday, so he came to Louisville on the Thursday before to spend the day with me. All through this AA week (after accident), my sister Linda was very sick and in severe pain. Finally went for tests and was diagnosed with lymphoma and also had a tumor at the base of her spine. Chemo will begin ASAP. The family is now in double shock. Linda is the oldest. (She always says she's the youngest but then doesn't dye her hair!!!! Mary and I have tried to tell her!) Anyway, Mike wants to see her too. So when he arrives, Mary and I take him to see Linda. She cannot even get out of bed. We are all very upset but manage to make it through the visit. Next lunch and next shopping! You know that phrase, when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping? I wrote that!!!! So off to the mall we go. We head to my favorite store and long time friend, James at the Chanel counter, gives me my first hug. He heard HC Baker had died and had told most of the store! He also told me I needed waterproof mascara. No argument from me. Mary and I both bought it. Now the good news is the Chanel counter is right across from the shoe department. HC Baker would not be surprised that I bought a new pair of shoes for the visitation and memorial service. Actually, he would expect it! And I had to buy Calvin Klein shoes. One of my best HC Baker stories is about Calvin Klein. Many years ago in our marriage I loved anything Calvin Klein (and back then he was very expensive!!!! Really still is!). One morning, as HC left the house I asked him if he would take "this Calvin Klein" outfit to the cleaners. Without missing a beat he said, "Honey, Calvin Klein took you to the cleaners a long time ago!" Anyway, I now have new shoes and am ready for Friday night!
I have a pin that is a yellow lab given to me by HC Baker. I wanted to wear it in memory of Lady. As I was pinning it to my coat, it broke in half. I was devastated. Brett promised me he would fix it. Libby and the children and TR arrived and we got in our cars to head to church. We all got out of the cars except Brett who left and unknown to me, went to the drugstore, bought super glue, fixed Lady and brought her back to the church for me to wear. God bless him. Some friends were already there, but I did have the opportunity to watch a beautiful photographic montage created by Stephen Kirkland. It WAS HC Baker! And to this day I love every second of it.
Now I'm ready. What an evening. To all those who came, I apologize for talking so much (there's a surprise) and making you wait so long to greet me and my family. I saw so many friends I had not seen in a long time. Your kind words and hugs breathed new energy into me. My dear friend Dolores hardly left my side making sure I did not want for anything. The girls were great at sticking close by me. However, I watched TR across the foyer struggle so hard to be a part of the love that was there that night for him. His sadness hurt my heart. How could I help him? To my high school friends, I love you! To my co-workers through the years, I love you! To my friends from church, how could I survive without you? I love you! The next thing I knew, Brett took me by the arm and walked me back to the car to take me home. I survived. At home, my girls had prepared a wonderful meal we all enjoyed. We could laugh and cry at the memories of the evening. When everything seems so strange, so difficult, so sad, I am truly blessed by the Grace of our Lord and my family. Next challenge, the memorial service.
Speaking of shoes...
My closest, dearest cousin, Mike from Nashville, TN, was not going to be able to come to the service on Saturday, so he came to Louisville on the Thursday before to spend the day with me. All through this AA week (after accident), my sister Linda was very sick and in severe pain. Finally went for tests and was diagnosed with lymphoma and also had a tumor at the base of her spine. Chemo will begin ASAP. The family is now in double shock. Linda is the oldest. (She always says she's the youngest but then doesn't dye her hair!!!! Mary and I have tried to tell her!) Anyway, Mike wants to see her too. So when he arrives, Mary and I take him to see Linda. She cannot even get out of bed. We are all very upset but manage to make it through the visit. Next lunch and next shopping! You know that phrase, when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping? I wrote that!!!! So off to the mall we go. We head to my favorite store and long time friend, James at the Chanel counter, gives me my first hug. He heard HC Baker had died and had told most of the store! He also told me I needed waterproof mascara. No argument from me. Mary and I both bought it. Now the good news is the Chanel counter is right across from the shoe department. HC Baker would not be surprised that I bought a new pair of shoes for the visitation and memorial service. Actually, he would expect it! And I had to buy Calvin Klein shoes. One of my best HC Baker stories is about Calvin Klein. Many years ago in our marriage I loved anything Calvin Klein (and back then he was very expensive!!!! Really still is!). One morning, as HC left the house I asked him if he would take "this Calvin Klein" outfit to the cleaners. Without missing a beat he said, "Honey, Calvin Klein took you to the cleaners a long time ago!" Anyway, I now have new shoes and am ready for Friday night!
I have a pin that is a yellow lab given to me by HC Baker. I wanted to wear it in memory of Lady. As I was pinning it to my coat, it broke in half. I was devastated. Brett promised me he would fix it. Libby and the children and TR arrived and we got in our cars to head to church. We all got out of the cars except Brett who left and unknown to me, went to the drugstore, bought super glue, fixed Lady and brought her back to the church for me to wear. God bless him. Some friends were already there, but I did have the opportunity to watch a beautiful photographic montage created by Stephen Kirkland. It WAS HC Baker! And to this day I love every second of it.
Now I'm ready. What an evening. To all those who came, I apologize for talking so much (there's a surprise) and making you wait so long to greet me and my family. I saw so many friends I had not seen in a long time. Your kind words and hugs breathed new energy into me. My dear friend Dolores hardly left my side making sure I did not want for anything. The girls were great at sticking close by me. However, I watched TR across the foyer struggle so hard to be a part of the love that was there that night for him. His sadness hurt my heart. How could I help him? To my high school friends, I love you! To my co-workers through the years, I love you! To my friends from church, how could I survive without you? I love you! The next thing I knew, Brett took me by the arm and walked me back to the car to take me home. I survived. At home, my girls had prepared a wonderful meal we all enjoyed. We could laugh and cry at the memories of the evening. When everything seems so strange, so difficult, so sad, I am truly blessed by the Grace of our Lord and my family. Next challenge, the memorial service.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Planning Meeting!
Tuesday morning we began sorting through HC Baker's "papers". I should actually say Emily began sorting! When you look up "organization" in the dictionary, Emily's picture appears. She began a spiral notebook Saturday morning after the accident and has it with her at all times. She is writing everything down so the rest of us will know when to be where to do whatever. We could not have made it without her. The first thing she found was the order of service for HC's funeral written by (drum roll please...) HC Baker. Imagine that! And that was only the beginning. You have no idea the other things we found. More about that later.
When we arrived at church, St. Matthews Baptist, Joyce Oliver, our Minister to Preschoolers and my dear friend, Tim Galyon, our incredible Minister of Musical Arts, and David Garrard, our Magical Minister to Children were all there to greet us. And they were thrilled when I handed them the outline for HC Baker's funeral. Speakers, types of music, hymns to be sung, when to pray, all the way to the benediction. I added the names of those participating and Tim told us if we stayed on task, the service should last one hour and fifteen minutes. He was happy and I thought he was dreaming! We established we wanted friends to express their sympathy, if desired, by donating to a mission fund at church and/or Habitat for Humanity. HC would be pleased.
Since HC Baker was the "cook" for so many events at the church, I wanted a meal after the service. A time for people to relax and remember the fun of HC's life. Many years ago he started a Men's Pizza Lunch at Clifton Pizza, a local neighborhood pizza restaurant. Mark was the owner and HC Baker loved Mark. The men met there every Thursday for lunch and prayer time. No women allowed! (I always thought HC considered all the women jealous of this weekly event, but actually we were glad the guys had somewhere to go for lunch on Thursday. If needed, we could skip making dinner that night telling them they had pizza for lunch and didn't need any dinner!!!!!) Anyway, someone at the church decided the lunch after HC's service should be a pizza lunch. Mark and Clifton Pizza would provide. Another blessing!
Visitation at the church Friday evening and Memorial Service Saturday morning with pizza lunch to follow. We spent the rest of the week together as a family, comforting each other, laughing, crying, and eating, the great southern bereavement tradition!!!! Friends came and went, some visits difficult and others refreshing. Each of us had our own personal fears about Friday night and Saturday morning. A huge unknown. I hate unknowns.
When we arrived at church, St. Matthews Baptist, Joyce Oliver, our Minister to Preschoolers and my dear friend, Tim Galyon, our incredible Minister of Musical Arts, and David Garrard, our Magical Minister to Children were all there to greet us. And they were thrilled when I handed them the outline for HC Baker's funeral. Speakers, types of music, hymns to be sung, when to pray, all the way to the benediction. I added the names of those participating and Tim told us if we stayed on task, the service should last one hour and fifteen minutes. He was happy and I thought he was dreaming! We established we wanted friends to express their sympathy, if desired, by donating to a mission fund at church and/or Habitat for Humanity. HC would be pleased.
Since HC Baker was the "cook" for so many events at the church, I wanted a meal after the service. A time for people to relax and remember the fun of HC's life. Many years ago he started a Men's Pizza Lunch at Clifton Pizza, a local neighborhood pizza restaurant. Mark was the owner and HC Baker loved Mark. The men met there every Thursday for lunch and prayer time. No women allowed! (I always thought HC considered all the women jealous of this weekly event, but actually we were glad the guys had somewhere to go for lunch on Thursday. If needed, we could skip making dinner that night telling them they had pizza for lunch and didn't need any dinner!!!!!) Anyway, someone at the church decided the lunch after HC's service should be a pizza lunch. Mark and Clifton Pizza would provide. Another blessing!
Visitation at the church Friday evening and Memorial Service Saturday morning with pizza lunch to follow. We spent the rest of the week together as a family, comforting each other, laughing, crying, and eating, the great southern bereavement tradition!!!! Friends came and went, some visits difficult and others refreshing. Each of us had our own personal fears about Friday night and Saturday morning. A huge unknown. I hate unknowns.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
My Cardinal
I'm going to create a little "sidebar" here and tell you about my cardinal. There's the Kentucky cardinal, the state bird and there's the U of L cardinal, the rip roarin' entertainer for the university, and there's my cardinal, HC Baker.
After spending the first night at home without HC Baker, I walked outside in the early morning. I stood in our backyard thinking about all that had happened and what was to come all the while desperate to talk to HC. (I still do that. I think of something or hear something and immediately think...I've got to tell HC about that.) A beautiful cardinal came to the lowest branch of the tree where I was standing. I didn't think anything about it until the next time I looked, and it was still there. Curious. I was thinking and praying and it was still there. I decided it was HC so I began to talk to it. Over the next few weeks each time I went outside, the cardinal was there. I told very few people about this and continued to enjoy these moments.
Fast forward about 6 weeks - I had shared the cardinal story with my co-worker, Gayle. One day, she and I were in our supervisor's office experiencing a thorough "dressing down" and I particularly was incredibly frustrated. Gayle realized my anger threshold was just about at it's limit. We both could look past our supervisor to the outside. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, Gayle touched my leg and with her eyes directed my attention to a bush outside the office window. There sat my cardinal. We had never seen a cardinal at our work before but there it was. I immediately took a deep breath and the uncomfortable situation came to a close. Afterward, back in our office, Gayle just looked at me and said HC was looking out for me. (Let me also share with you the next day, another bad situation developed with me alone in the supervisor's office, and NO cardinal. I tendered my resignation that afternoon and left the building never to return. For this Gayle said HC knew you'd had enough.)
Fast forward about a year - I have begun to make my home in northern Michigan where HC and I had a beautiful little lake cottage for a number of years. Since this area would be my permanent residence, I needed to find a larger home. With family and friends visiting, 2 bedrooms and 1 bath is just not large enough! I looked at several houses and one in particular kept calling my name. The third time I "looked" at it, it was a beautiful late spring day and the leaves on the trees up north were just beginning to burst open. As I stood on the front porch looking out to the lake, I saw a white garage at the bottom of the hill. Where many garages would have that big wooden square to support a basketball goal, this garage had a big wooden square with a huge red cardinal painted on it. I bought the house!
I have continued to encounter cardinals when least expected and continue to believe it is HC Baker.
After spending the first night at home without HC Baker, I walked outside in the early morning. I stood in our backyard thinking about all that had happened and what was to come all the while desperate to talk to HC. (I still do that. I think of something or hear something and immediately think...I've got to tell HC about that.) A beautiful cardinal came to the lowest branch of the tree where I was standing. I didn't think anything about it until the next time I looked, and it was still there. Curious. I was thinking and praying and it was still there. I decided it was HC so I began to talk to it. Over the next few weeks each time I went outside, the cardinal was there. I told very few people about this and continued to enjoy these moments.
Fast forward about 6 weeks - I had shared the cardinal story with my co-worker, Gayle. One day, she and I were in our supervisor's office experiencing a thorough "dressing down" and I particularly was incredibly frustrated. Gayle realized my anger threshold was just about at it's limit. We both could look past our supervisor to the outside. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, Gayle touched my leg and with her eyes directed my attention to a bush outside the office window. There sat my cardinal. We had never seen a cardinal at our work before but there it was. I immediately took a deep breath and the uncomfortable situation came to a close. Afterward, back in our office, Gayle just looked at me and said HC was looking out for me. (Let me also share with you the next day, another bad situation developed with me alone in the supervisor's office, and NO cardinal. I tendered my resignation that afternoon and left the building never to return. For this Gayle said HC knew you'd had enough.)
Fast forward about a year - I have begun to make my home in northern Michigan where HC and I had a beautiful little lake cottage for a number of years. Since this area would be my permanent residence, I needed to find a larger home. With family and friends visiting, 2 bedrooms and 1 bath is just not large enough! I looked at several houses and one in particular kept calling my name. The third time I "looked" at it, it was a beautiful late spring day and the leaves on the trees up north were just beginning to burst open. As I stood on the front porch looking out to the lake, I saw a white garage at the bottom of the hill. Where many garages would have that big wooden square to support a basketball goal, this garage had a big wooden square with a huge red cardinal painted on it. I bought the house!
I have continued to encounter cardinals when least expected and continue to believe it is HC Baker.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Road Trip!
Monday morning and we're leaving Emily's headed for Louisville with a few stops in between. First stop is the candy store because who can travel without chocolate? By 11am, we're at the funeral home in Grayling to pick up Gran. He's in a box. Grace loves this because Gran was always creating special days "in a box"! We've had Christmas in a Box, Birthday in a Box, Get Well in a Box, and the latest was sent via Jack and Lou Fox when HC Baker was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN...Fishing in a Box! My day is better because now we have HC in a Box! It's perfect.
As we leave the funeral home, Grace says she'll carry Gran. And she does. She puts him right by her in the car and says with a huge smile on her face, "I've never been on a road trip with Gran!" She's excited. We drive maybe 2 blocks and Garrett points out a bakery. I look at Emily and say we've got to go in. Grace asks what was Gran's favorite kind of doughnut, and I look at her and tell her Gran never met a doughnut he didn't like! We walked into the bakery and were greeted by the cutest, freshest faced, young man asking us if we were having a wonderful day? We all laughed and said YES!
We're back in the car knowing we've got to get to Louisville in time for a late dinner with everyone. During the trip, Grace decided to write a story about Gran so she entertained us the whole way reading aloud what she had written. The phone rang all during the trip and I got to talk to so many wonderful people. Some of the callers also got to speak to Garrett and Grace. It was a special day in so many ways.
OK, we're about 30 minutes north of Louisville and I call Libby and TR and tell them to meet us at home. I know this is going to be hard but I also know I only have to do it once! When we pulled into the driveway, they were already there and all the house lights were on too. I realized that was a good thing. I hadn't thought about walking into a dark house. So blessed I didn't have to. Lots of tears and hugs and more tears and more hugs. Finally, I think we were all cleansed by the tears, each other and the Lord.
We ordered what seemed like 50 pizzas and sat around the dining room table eating, drinking and laughing. We gave thanks to our Lord for HC's life, our safe trip home, and asked for His presence the rest of the week. Dear, dear friends Ray and Stephen were the first to stop by. They brought enough paper products and sodas to feed an army. Neighbors came next. The visits were opportunities for us to laugh some more, telling stories.
When we were alone I spoke to everyone and told them what I wanted to do. I told them I was going to the church tomorrow and they were welcome to come along. They all said they'd be there. I also asked them if any one wanted to speak at HC's service. TR and Daniel (oldest grandson) said yes. It was a good evening, a release I don't think any of us knew we needed. For me, I had been on that ferris wheel for 3 days and had nearly forgotten there was any other way to be. Being with my family and being home made those gears grind to a halt. I am blessed!
One last decision to make today. Where will I sleep? I decided to sleep in HC's bed. I wanted to wrap myself in his covers, lay my head on his pillow. Just as I was ready to climb into his bed, a breeze from somewhere whirled around my body. At first I was startled but then I knew...it was HC telling me he was OK and I was going to be OK too. I felt peace. (And prayed he had first hand knowledge that I would be OK!!!!)
As we leave the funeral home, Grace says she'll carry Gran. And she does. She puts him right by her in the car and says with a huge smile on her face, "I've never been on a road trip with Gran!" She's excited. We drive maybe 2 blocks and Garrett points out a bakery. I look at Emily and say we've got to go in. Grace asks what was Gran's favorite kind of doughnut, and I look at her and tell her Gran never met a doughnut he didn't like! We walked into the bakery and were greeted by the cutest, freshest faced, young man asking us if we were having a wonderful day? We all laughed and said YES!
We're back in the car knowing we've got to get to Louisville in time for a late dinner with everyone. During the trip, Grace decided to write a story about Gran so she entertained us the whole way reading aloud what she had written. The phone rang all during the trip and I got to talk to so many wonderful people. Some of the callers also got to speak to Garrett and Grace. It was a special day in so many ways.
OK, we're about 30 minutes north of Louisville and I call Libby and TR and tell them to meet us at home. I know this is going to be hard but I also know I only have to do it once! When we pulled into the driveway, they were already there and all the house lights were on too. I realized that was a good thing. I hadn't thought about walking into a dark house. So blessed I didn't have to. Lots of tears and hugs and more tears and more hugs. Finally, I think we were all cleansed by the tears, each other and the Lord.
We ordered what seemed like 50 pizzas and sat around the dining room table eating, drinking and laughing. We gave thanks to our Lord for HC's life, our safe trip home, and asked for His presence the rest of the week. Dear, dear friends Ray and Stephen were the first to stop by. They brought enough paper products and sodas to feed an army. Neighbors came next. The visits were opportunities for us to laugh some more, telling stories.
When we were alone I spoke to everyone and told them what I wanted to do. I told them I was going to the church tomorrow and they were welcome to come along. They all said they'd be there. I also asked them if any one wanted to speak at HC's service. TR and Daniel (oldest grandson) said yes. It was a good evening, a release I don't think any of us knew we needed. For me, I had been on that ferris wheel for 3 days and had nearly forgotten there was any other way to be. Being with my family and being home made those gears grind to a halt. I am blessed!
One last decision to make today. Where will I sleep? I decided to sleep in HC's bed. I wanted to wrap myself in his covers, lay my head on his pillow. Just as I was ready to climb into his bed, a breeze from somewhere whirled around my body. At first I was startled but then I knew...it was HC telling me he was OK and I was going to be OK too. I felt peace. (And prayed he had first hand knowledge that I would be OK!!!!)
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