Well, this is the day. Three years ago this morning I was sitting in Emily's kitchen almost numb with a million thoughts running through my mind. Gracie walked down the stairs, saw me and smiled as she walked up to me. She looked around and said "Where's Gran?". Emily looked at me, and I realized this was the beginning of telling others HC Baker was dead. I told Gracie about the accident and that Gran had died. She climbed up in my lap, put her arms around me and her head on my shoulder and told me she loved me. We stayed that way for some time until Garrett came down the stairs. Oh no, I have to say it again. And I did again and again and again and again...
So, three years later, here I am. I've made it this far - physically, mentally, emotionally, and geographically. How did I do it? Two reasons.
1. I would not be here today if the Lord had not walked this walk with me! I have
felt His presence every step of the way. He has held me in his arms. He has guided
my decisions (two not so good ones). He has opened my eyes that I might see!!!
2. Incredible family and friends have been the lights of my life. They appear in
person, on the phone, via an e-mail, or a card in my mail box. Their support
has been strong and steadfast!
And time and events put my loss in perspective. The hurt is healing. Oh it's still there, but it's like those little grains of sand the oyster uses to create a beautiful pearl. The wonderful memories are growing inside me. A quiet peace is healing the pain. What I know now with certainty is that I'm gonna' be OK, different, but OK. HC Baker is still on the shelf in the den and I still talk to him and yes, sometimes I hollar at him. The good news is he keeps his mouth shut! He's become a very good listener!
xxoo
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