Let me first sincerely thank each of you for your prayers, love and support. I've been writing this since HC Baker died but just couldn't find the beginning or end of my thoughts. Creating this "blog" and taking it day by day has made it easier for me. Once I get through the first week of this journey, I will be talking about some of the life changes that happen when a spouse dies...at least how they changed my life. Some of the changes were like explosions causing me to close my eyes and cover my ears while others just sort of relaxed within me like a new pair of shoes worn several times!
Speaking of shoes...
My closest, dearest cousin, Mike from Nashville, TN, was not going to be able to come to the service on Saturday, so he came to Louisville on the Thursday before to spend the day with me. All through this AA week (after accident), my sister Linda was very sick and in severe pain. Finally went for tests and was diagnosed with lymphoma and also had a tumor at the base of her spine. Chemo will begin ASAP. The family is now in double shock. Linda is the oldest. (She always says she's the youngest but then doesn't dye her hair!!!! Mary and I have tried to tell her!) Anyway, Mike wants to see her too. So when he arrives, Mary and I take him to see Linda. She cannot even get out of bed. We are all very upset but manage to make it through the visit. Next lunch and next shopping! You know that phrase, when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping? I wrote that!!!! So off to the mall we go. We head to my favorite store and long time friend, James at the Chanel counter, gives me my first hug. He heard HC Baker had died and had told most of the store! He also told me I needed waterproof mascara. No argument from me. Mary and I both bought it. Now the good news is the Chanel counter is right across from the shoe department. HC Baker would not be surprised that I bought a new pair of shoes for the visitation and memorial service. Actually, he would expect it! And I had to buy Calvin Klein shoes. One of my best HC Baker stories is about Calvin Klein. Many years ago in our marriage I loved anything Calvin Klein (and back then he was very expensive!!!! Really still is!). One morning, as HC left the house I asked him if he would take "this Calvin Klein" outfit to the cleaners. Without missing a beat he said, "Honey, Calvin Klein took you to the cleaners a long time ago!" Anyway, I now have new shoes and am ready for Friday night!
I have a pin that is a yellow lab given to me by HC Baker. I wanted to wear it in memory of Lady. As I was pinning it to my coat, it broke in half. I was devastated. Brett promised me he would fix it. Libby and the children and TR arrived and we got in our cars to head to church. We all got out of the cars except Brett who left and unknown to me, went to the drugstore, bought super glue, fixed Lady and brought her back to the church for me to wear. God bless him. Some friends were already there, but I did have the opportunity to watch a beautiful photographic montage created by Stephen Kirkland. It WAS HC Baker! And to this day I love every second of it.
Now I'm ready. What an evening. To all those who came, I apologize for talking so much (there's a surprise) and making you wait so long to greet me and my family. I saw so many friends I had not seen in a long time. Your kind words and hugs breathed new energy into me. My dear friend Dolores hardly left my side making sure I did not want for anything. The girls were great at sticking close by me. However, I watched TR across the foyer struggle so hard to be a part of the love that was there that night for him. His sadness hurt my heart. How could I help him? To my high school friends, I love you! To my co-workers through the years, I love you! To my friends from church, how could I survive without you? I love you! The next thing I knew, Brett took me by the arm and walked me back to the car to take me home. I survived. At home, my girls had prepared a wonderful meal we all enjoyed. We could laugh and cry at the memories of the evening. When everything seems so strange, so difficult, so sad, I am truly blessed by the Grace of our Lord and my family. Next challenge, the memorial service.
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